I’ve longed to share this Hallowblog entry to Horrorlust because no account of my haunted adventures would be complete without it. First zapped into existence on Wednesday, October 20, 2010, this trifecta of reviews told the story of a Thursday Night outing, headlined by the mysterious and elusive Demonic Demons of Detroit.
That night has become canon in our haunted history, and I’m pleased to finally share this piece of lore with the Horrorlust audience. More than a decade has passed since that legendary night spent at an ominous and non-descript building on Wyoming Street, and Demonic Demons has remained one of the most effective and memorable haunted attractions we’ve ever witnessed.
When Jason, Brad, and I headed out for a night of haunting last Thursday it had the feel of being thrown together at the last minute; indeed much of the 2010 haunt season has been cobbled together as work schedules and other events have conspired against our annual fall pilgrimage. However, it has been an enjoyable season thus far even if it seems to be going by faster than I would like. October 14th turned out to be quite the night even historic in some ways, but before we get into the haunt reviews I’d like to comment on a few television shows and one film.
I’m very excited to see that The Walking Dead series will premiere on AMC Halloween night at 10 pm. Today was the first time I saw a few trailers and the show looks to have promise. I always love coming in from trick or treating to find some quality thrillers flickering across my television screen and it seems this year I’ll have a worthy mistress awaiting my return.
One television show I have enjoyed for a number of years now is Syfy’s Scare Tactics. Hidden camera shows have an inherent comedic value and when you mix the rubes with an array of the ghastly and paranormal, sheer delight is sure to ensue for the viewer. One aspect of the show that could use some improvement is the host. Tracey Morgan has done his utmost to cornball the program up since his arrival and now that he’s the executive producer any hope of his dismissal has been shot all to hell. His jokes are lame and his mannerisms are borderline retarded. It’s a testament to the program’s appeal that it can withstand such an onslaught of epic crap.
Some time last week I also watched a Halloween anthology titled Trick ‘r Treat which I found very entertaining. Released in 2007 this film tells four interwoven tales of Halloween happenings and features all the classic trappings of my favorite season. The story telling is well plotted and paced, and will certainly put viewers in mind of the beloved Tales from the Crypt franchise. It also had a Goosebumps sort of charm for me albeit a charm targeted at an adult audience. It’s a film I’d definitely recommend to any horror junkie or Halloween enthusiast and one that will reside in my horror collection from this day forward.
And now with no further delays we come to the ever exciting haunt reviews — our first stop on the night of October the 14th was the 2010 offering from the Wyandotte Jaycees — Massacre Manor. This year the local organization has inherited a house directly across from the hospital on Biddle. The Victorian estate lends itself well to a haunted attraction but on the whole Massacre Manor does leave a lot to be desired.
The haunt started well enough enveloping Jason, Brad, and I in complete darkness, before our senses had a chance to adjust we were jolted by a highly effective electrocution. Several factors must coincide in order for this gag to be pulled off: timing, location, and special effects. The timing worked so well because we had just grown accustomed to our deathly quiet and pitch black surrounding. Location was key because the chair sat on a raised portion of the wall thus placing the actor sitting in it slightly above our eye level putting them in a more intimidating position than they would have been if the chair had sat flush on the ground. The special effects were nothing more than some strobe lights and harsh electric sounds but when combined with the performance of the actor it created a freakish sight.
Unfortunately the rest of the haunt lacked such cohesion which resulted in an underwhelming experience. One disappointing trend that has emerged throughout our visits to Wyandotte Jaycees haunts is the inexperience and occasional unprofessionalism of the workers. Many of the actors at a Jaycees haunt are quite young some, I would estimate are no older than 13 years old. There are certainly some older, more experienced volunteers who do a fine job and a number of the younglings perform admirably but there are those who are painfully bad. For instance, we entered a narrow corridor, to our right appeared a loft made to look like a girl’s bed room. One of the actors screeched for us to vacant the area while the another just stared blankly. The former then turned to her and said in a plain tone of voice, “You’re supposed to say stuff.” That type of behavior just kills the mood of a haunt and should never happen.
Another instant mood killer is the lack of a quality sound system; the absence of music or sound effects can often spell doom for a haunted attraction. There are exceptions to this rule, Bowbee’s Nightmare at Armada’s Haunted Hollows was a shining example of just that last year, but more often than not failing to employ a sound system is going to negatively impact most haunted attractions. A foreboding dirge can instantly set the mood for a dark attraction and it can also conveniently cover any chatter or noise employees might make that isn’t a part of the show.
Massacre Manor did have some bright spots though and among them was our old friend Gimpy Anderson. This year the hyperactive ghoul was armed with a chainsaw but he seemed more interested in using the power tool as a phallus than an implement of torture. Oh sure, Gimpy bounded about the room threatening us with the weapon at first but then he propped it against his pelvis and began thrusting his hips salaciously, his tongue all a waggle. There was also a gangly (and apparently southern) clown who provided some humor by aimlessly rambling about NASCAR and I’d be remiss if I were to fail to mention the simpering slut who sexily blocked our path with a raised leg when I attempted to open a door.
A few scenes of note include the filthy bath room where body parts lay strewn across the room and a very real stench permeated the air (just one of those extra perks of using an honest to God decrepit, old house). The most peculiar scene by far however had nothing to do with the house’s natural state. Midway through the haunt we entered a brightly lit room that looked as if Christmas had come along and vomited everywhere. The scene was garish and disjointed but it was neat and had potential. There was even a sinister Santa awaiting haunters and the fat, red bastard had a circular saw nestled in his lap. Evil Ho-ho proceeded to ask each of us what we wanted for Christmas and when we had finished he told us we’d best be on our way. When we pushed the issue he merely restated what he had said and so we departed. A ghoul with a chainsaw proceeded to attack us from a nearby passageway but the scare paled in comparison to what could have been. The Christmas imagery made for a fairly bizarre scene and it would have been simply awesome if Santa had grown enraged at our greedy wants and gone Medieval on us with the circular saw. It would have been equally sweet if Santa had set loose a cannibalistic elf! Hell perhaps an under appreciated Mrs. Claus could’ve emerged an assailed us with a neatly wrapped baseball bat! Well you can see where I’m going with this; there were so many great possibilities.
In the end Massacre Manor was paced fairly well and featured a handful of enjoyable scenes and characters but it simply wasn’t enough. It certainly had more substance than the weak 2008 Templin’s Night Terror but it fell well short of last season’s HellBlock 13 and 2007’s Hell’s Hospital.
Rating: 2 3/4 stars
We departed Wyandotte and hit the road for the city of Westland where we sought to experience The Thrill Kill, the haunted attraction produced by the Westland Jaycees. This haunt was held in several semi-truck trailers which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but likely means you aren’t going to be blown away by any insane props or animatronics.
All in all The Thrill Kill offered up a solid trailer haunt. The operators employed all the old school tricks they could — present were the painted druid silhouettes, the guess-a-door room, a very narrow bottomless pit, and even a spinning casket that guests must lie inside in order to proceed. The actors were up to snuff and the attraction artfully employed some examples of misdirection and basic illusions using clever paint patterns.
The only disappointing aspect of The Thrill Kill was the anti-climatic finale and the staff member who found it necessary to accompany us through the haunt. I absolutely hate when haunts do this. They sometimes state that they want to give the actors a “scare test” but whatever the reason, it’s lame and shouldn’t take place. As I mention we were also disappointed in the finale which featured an impressive and creepy cabin facade, but no ghoul emerged from within to send us scampering through the exit. Can I get a chainsaw maniac?!
Rating: 3 stars
With Westland in our rear view mirror we set our sights on Michigan’s burnt out urban Necropolis, I speak, of course, of Detroit. For several years we have heard tell of a haunted house in Detroit like none other — the redundantly title Demonic Demons. The ad in the Fear Finder reads, “BEWARE if you are out of shape or weak of heart! WARNING, this is not a regular haunted house! You’re in for a real terrifying journey!” How can an advertisement like that not catch your eye? My haunt brethren and I pride ourselves on conquering the baddest attractions October has to offer and here was a haunt practically mocking us from the pages of the Fear Finder. Well friends, that simply could not stand and I must bestow some serious haunt cred on B. Money for daring to brave such a trip during his rookie campaign. The drive through Detroit was spine tingling enough for a trio of snowflakes such as ourselves but that would be nothing to the horror that awaited us inside Demonic Demons.
The front of the building is far from impressive, in fact it’s very easy to drive right past it due to the lack of prominent signage or props. A rusted frame of what used to be a sign hung from the side of the building wrapped in orange lights, a generic sign on the sidewalk read “Haunted House.” A white casket hung midair — for all we knew we could have been at a very unprofessional funeral home. There was no line outside the haunt, indeed barely a soul seemed to be present. We were greeted at the door by a personable woman who welcomed us kindly and pointed us in the direction of the ticket booth — a blacked out window featuring a small slot at the bottom. Nimble fingers exchanged our money for tickets without a word and then we sat in the waiting room eagerly awaiting our chance to enter the haunt. We made small talk with the greeter who if you’re keeping count was the only soul we had actually witnessed thus far. Ten minutes went by and then suddenly the lights went out. The greeter informed us that “they” were ready for us.
What happened next will never accurately be captured in words for the force of this haunt so encapsulated what a haunted attraction should be it left me shaking with excitement. Allow me to set the scene — it’s dark, very dark…and the passages are narrow. So narrow in fact that we spent the majority of the haunt crawling on our hands and knees. At times we were forced to fight our way up a steep incline and at others we had no choice but to slide downward into complete darkness. I was reminded of one of the rides in Goosebumps #16 One Day at Horrorland and I liked it. Such nostalgia brought me back to my childhood and reminded me of the wistful magic that permeated the very soul of Halloween.
We crawled and crawled while the ominous music boomed overhead. A growing sensation of claustrophobia and disorientation gripped at our hearts. It was as if the very building itself was willing us astray. We came to an area where we were able to stand, an area that offered just enough light to play tricks on our eyes. It had an industrial feel to it as we pushed our way through heavy flaps the type you might find in a freezer — to our right an unseen ghoul issued a mortal cry. Shortly we came upon a hallway, ahead a blinking red light beckoned to us and thus our first encounter with the man of the house occurred. The sound of a chainsaw tore through the darkness. Jason and Brad might’ve jumped to the moon. My hoodie grew tight around my neck and I found myself being spun about in the darkness. Brad had taken a hold of the pack of my hoodie and in his terror was attempting to use me as a human shield. I sputtered and coughed and even laughed a little as I attempted to tell him that he was choking me, but it was all for naught. The lunatic with the chainsaw vanished like mist and once again we were left to the oppressive dark.
We crawled some more and even came to several dead ends only to discover that an opening lie overhead and then we climbed. Once, we were afforded a small glimpse into a room littered with doll parts scattered and hung in a fashion most macabre. I felt as if we were in that scene from the 80’s B-flick The Funhouse when the teenagers witness the carnival troglodyte murder the gypsy. Considering all that takes place during that scene I thought it best to move on and so we did into an abyss of everlasting darkness.
We continued to crawl but now the ceiling was comprised of a chain-linked fence, a singular figure stood above the cell-like structure shovel in hand. Statuesque at first, Jason swore the figure could not be animate but I disagreed and scurried like a rat through a maze. And that’s when she struck. The figure sprang to life and began swinging the shovel with reckless abandon striking the fenced ceiling with wanton disregard for life. She shrieked with the anger of a thousand scorned harpies and we welcomed the protection of perfect dark.
We crawled and climbed and slid through darkness never ending and encountered the surprisingly agile man of the house on several more occasions always he seemed to appear as if he had simply walked through a wall. Such was his ferocity that he even nabbed Brad at one point and drug him down an incline. During our final sprint to safety he even caught a hold of my ankle briefly before I shook off his deathly grasp and went toppling over an unexpected peak. I joined my friends at the bottom of said peak where the greeter lead us through a series of muddy corridors before leading us to the final exit.
Demonic Demons was as close to perfect as a haunt has come in all of our October adventures. The attraction was superbly paced and featured a seriously dreadful atmosphere. The actors may have been sparse, but that merely allowed the real character here to seize hold — your wandering imagination — but when they were used they were used to full effect. The continuously reappearing phantom was a stroke of brilliance that placed a heavy emphasis on theme and continuity. It may seem insane to suggest, but Demonic Demons possessed an eerie, almost Twilight Zone quality. The lack of any other visitors coupled with the mysterious ticket taker and the sheer terror within the haunt made it feel as if we’d slipped into some segment of time meant only for us at that precise moment in history. It was a surreal haunting experience not soon to be forgotten, one that has left an indelible mark upon the Haunt Trinity.
Rating: 5 stars
“Experience the terror of the crawl space.”
-Brad, summarizing his thoughts on Demonic Demons
“In all honesty I didn’t really want that fucker to catch me because I wasn’t so sure he wouldn’t hack off a limb. (Thoughtful pause) I’m still not convinced.”
-Jason, providing deep insight about his feelings on the resident whack job at Demonic Demons.
