Erebus Blasts Back, Extreme Shenanigans

One of the things that jump out at me about this Hallowblog review is just how utterly crude and sophomoric our banter was at the time. I’ll admit that I’m a bit embarrassed by some of our behavior chronicled in this post; I even considered a number of edits, but ultimately, decided against it as to preserve the spirit in which it was written at the time.

Originally shared to the internet on Thursday, October 14, 2010, this lengthy read recorded a Sunday night trip to Erebus and The Realm of Darkness. This would mark the beginning of the latter’s run at the Turk Street location until the curtain fell following the 2016 season. As for Erebus, this would be the last time I’d visit the 4-story haunted edifice until 2014 when the venue hosted a Summer Scream blackout event.

On a final note, you’ll learn how my brother, Jason, cost us a chance to see Extreme Scream during what turned out to be the one and only year that the old school haunt operated out of Waterford. After that, she vanished and was never seen again. I still complain to this day about that missed opportunity, and my brother will continue to hear about it for many more moons to come.

Last Sunday, October 10 was indeed another great chapter in the history of the Haunt Trinity. Jason and John arrived at my apartment around 7 o’clock and to my great surprise they were joined by our good friend, Brad. The Adventures of the River Rat author is not what one would describe as a haunt connoisseur, but when he stopped to consider forthcoming projects Brad thought it only proper to conduct some field research. After Richard arrived we drove to the Kroger at Dix and Southfield in Lincoln Park in order to secure some discounted Erebus tickets. On select dates this season haunters can purchase a ticket for Erebus at participating Kroger locations for $17. As to avoid any confusion I called both Kroger and Erebus to confirm that the promotion was indeed valid on the night in question and indeed it was, but when we arrived to purchase our tickets we were meet with the usual inexcusable ignorance that plagues this world.

We approached the service desk where a stack of flyers brightly announced the promotion. The top of the flyer read “Buy Your Erebus Tickets Here! Save $5.00.” The bottom of the flyer added “Yellow Boxes Indicate Available Nights In October”. Sunday, October 10 was clearly colored yellow, but when I informed the cashier of this she proceeded to tell me that the promotion was not good on weekends. I reiterated the point and also mentioned that I had called and confirmed as much with staff at Erebus, but still she felt it necessary to clarify the highly confusing although clearly worded flyer with her manager. We purchased our tickets and hit the road for Pontiac.

When we arrived there was scarcely a wait to enter and I did worry that perhaps the haunted edifice would not have a full staff on hand given the relatively light crowd. We milled about for awhile in an attempt to accommodate a less than stellar plan concocted by — you guessed it Jason. We headed into Erebus at approximately 8:45 and enjoyed the taunts of a very large ghoul who lustily lapped at visitors with his tongue. Brad and I played off of his mischief and prompted the crowd in several chants including “Dance” and “Kiss.” We entered the familiar foyer and watched a video of the crazed scientist who made Erebus into what it is today and were then blasted by an intense issuance of air that erupted from behind the cleverly hung projection screen. After that of course, we entered the humorous decontamination chamber where haunters are scanned for narcotics, STDs, and gender identity complexes. Once released our band of merry misfits enter Erebus proper.

Since our mind blowing visit in 2006 we have yearned to see Erebus on that same level and it is safe to say that after our most recent visit that Pontiac’s favorite son has indeed recaptured the magic. My fears about a trimmed down staff were quickly dispelled and the actors at Erebus were the best they’ve ever been. The actors here are generally quite serviceable but the average crowd at Erebus usually makes it impossible for each actor to engage every group, but that was not the case on this night. I’m actually quite pleased that we hit such a monster haunt at such an early juncture in the season because it afforded us the opportunity to see Erebus in a different light.

The design, length, and pace were perfect and the animatronics were as entertaining and wild as ever. The mutant gorilla struck quickly from its shadowy corner wrapping up my legs momentarily before we fled to an ancient temple. The gigantic T-Rex that Jason grappled with in 2008 is also back and the Prehistoric son of a bitch was out for revenge. John scuttled by first, next I dove through the creatures chomping jaws. Brad stumbled through next but fell within reach of the beasts’ jaws. I dutifully launched myself into the perilous situation and grabbed hold of B. Money’s jacket, dragging him to safety. However, just as we had clawed our way to safety we witnessed Jason losing round two with the Mega T-Rex. The monster had Jason planted in its mouth from torso to head and was jostling him violently. Brad and I stormed back to save our comrade from injury and the prop from damage. Once free Richard followed quickly and we continued into the murky depths of Erebus. Later on we saw a massive winged creature and were even attacked by several vicious creatures which were never properly identified; some of us felt they were mutant dogs and others in the group found them to have a distinctly reptilian quality. We decided to make the obvious choice and concluded that the beasts were a new breed of lizard hounds.

Other points of interest included the torture scenes, a pair of monster hands that appeared from a laser sky, and an improved swamp scene that simulated a hooded swamp creep rising from the murky depths. We also enjoyed the zombie room where Night of the Living Dead played on a television (perhaps these brain munchers were feeling nostalgic). We whooped it up by tumbling down some narrow crawl spaces, nearly crashing into each other. Jason was also severely startled by a cleaver wielding butcher who defended his hanging pig with violent enthusiasm. Finally, we all enjoyed the interactive points of separation. One sent Jason, Richard, and I through a revolving wall into an occupied cell. Brad and John yelled for our release while Richard and I quickly escaped but Jason was not so lucky. I blocked the door all for my own hilarity and released my grip on the door only when I felt the poor worker within had had enough of Jason’s nonsense. And then there was the return of the fabled ball chamber. It was even better than 2006, burying us completely.

We emerged from the 30-plus minute adventure sweating and exhilarated, Erebus had truly delivered. Some will say that Erebus lacks a certain fear factor and that is true to some extent, but for sheer fun factor any haunter would be hard pressed to find a better venue. Erebus is definitely an early contender for Haunt of the Year.

Rating: 5 stars

“You think you can make a cold fish flop?”-John, interjecting his thoughts on Brad’s potential cougar hunts.

“Come on Disco. Get your bogey on.”-The heavyweight ghoul who began taunting John after I told him he liked being referred to as Disco.

“(Disgusted sigh) I should have grabbed one.”-Brad, lamenting a lost opportunity.

After leaving Erebus we made our way to the new location for The Realm of Darkness and were disgruntled to find that we had to pay for parking just as we did at Erebus. As a short aside I’d like to note that requiring haunters to pay for parking is some out and out bullshit. Now most places we’ve visited do not make guests pay for parking but from time to time we run into one that does and it’s a total joke. I love haunted attractions, but guests pay more than enough for a ticket and should not be shook down to park.

The new building doesn’t seem to possess the same grandeur that the last did although there is this great dilapidated building behind the property which one of the staff members mentioned has caught their eye. The theme on the whole has survived the move — haunters are still presented with a chance to defeat the evil wizard through apparent games of chance. The actors at Realm of Darkness are among the best you’ll find — from vocalization and charisma to costuming and improvisation the cast here is top shelf. One of the first actors we encountered was something of a caretaker for the house. This creep smiled at us as if we were a delicious meal just waiting to be cooked and then sniffed the air about us, but we were spared the stove because as he said, “You smell like shit.” He lead us down a most peculiar hallway — the floor shook as the walls bulged ominously. At the end of the hallway the caretaker sniffed me again and informed me that I still smelled “shitty” and then added “If you should survive do take a shower.”

This year The Realm of Darkness is the tale of two haunts, the first half thrusts haunters into a gothic mansion complete with spooky studies and dank crypts while the second half of the journey features an overabundance of pirate iconography and scenes. The transition from one to the other isn’t the most precise but it’s not as if it spoils the show. All throughout the haunt features the same immaculate detailing and immersive environment offered at the previous location, but there did seem to be an intangible element that was simply lacking; something Jason would point out later.

The animatronics at Realm of Darkness which are usually integrated very well were slightly off during our visit — some sprung their trap too late while others were poorly positioned; although one early scene did feature a hanging ghoul twitching violently and that whet our haunt palettes quite nicely. The operators have added a great number of full sized props most of which were highly detailed and gruesome and I feel that further implementation in this vein could help the haunt establish better continuity and offer a more frightening show overall.

The most entertaining element of our visit to The Realm of Darkness however came from one of our own, the aforementioned Brad. It is safe to say that Brad’s haunt cherry was popped something fierce! Okay, it wasn’t actually Brad’s first haunt excursion in fact I shared several hilarious experiences with him at Cedar Point’s HalloWeekends in 2005 but it was his first outing with the whole of the Haunt Trinity as well as the first time he’s visited a haunt in a number of years. Such was Brad’s penchant for leaping and shrieking, one creep taunted him by calling him “princess” and then demanded that “cupcake” come to the front of the line. To his credit Brad took the good natured ribbing in stride and that’s good because he would need that cool demeanor once more before we exited the haunt.

Shortly after the cupcake incident we were accosted by a frenzied doctor who excitedly spoke of his experiments and then asked if he could have a small snippet of tongue. I obliged sticking out my tongue and this sent him into a barely controlled euphoria. He squeaked and shook with glee and made several sporting snips at my tongue before another ghoul ushered us from the room. As we neared the conclusion of the haunt Brad’s second great scare came in the form of a statuesque pirate. We entered a room filled with treasure — an actor sat expertly posed as a mannequin near the exit door and it wasn’t until we were right upon him that I noticed that he was real, I even commented, “Oh this one’s a genuine fleshy”. Brad must have missed the observation though because when that pirate sprung to life Brad nearly crawled up the walls. The actor was so pleased with Brad’s reaction that he offered me a jovial high five and oh how we laughed.

As for the wizard, the game of chance is as impossible as ever. Guests submit the jewels they have collected (we had four which earned us that many cracks at the wizard) and then roll six dice. All dice have to match in order to find the wizard and no you can’t opt to keep certain die after each roll. Once we had failed I attempted to bribe two separate employees and although they did seem to consider the offer we were ultimately rebuked.

In short, The Realm of Darkness was certainly an enjoyable haunted attraction but it didn’t live up to the standard it has set in the past. The same atmosphere isn’t quite there and the haunt is noticeably shorter. After five years of failing the wizard’s increasingly impossible game of chance, The Realm of Darkness may find itself outside the range of the Haunt Trinity’s radar next season.

Rating: 3 1/2 stars

Our final stop of the night was to be Extreme Scream, a long time Taylor favorite that has been transplanted to Waterford, but we arrived just after their doors closed at 11 o’clock — done in once more by Jason’s seemingly endless shenanigans. Quite hungry we opted to get some grub at a local bar called Shorty’s where Jason and Brad attempted to best each other for the attention of our attractive waitress. All of this tomfoolery concluded when Jason wrote her a drunken note asking if she liked him. He directed her to circle “yes” or “no.” No shit.

On our way home we amused ourselves with a series of prank phone calls, the best of which lasted over fifteen minutes with an obviously terrified Jerry. It was yet another night of a thousand laughs for the Haunt Trinity and an undeniably quality haunt outing.

“Oh she wants it. She’s a haunt whore!”-Jason’s inebriated assessment of our waitress who had nothing to do with haunted houses.

“Oh you’d like The Loving Spoonful.” -Brad, informing the waitress she’d enjoy the musical stylings of The Loving Spoonful, a name Brad claims is a reference to the average amount of male ejaculate.