It’s Thursday — ordinarily that would mean that thrill-seekers must wait one day more to tour haunted attractions, but this is no ordinary Thursday, son! Tonight, in Romulus, the cast of Deranged will be unrestrained, unfiltered, and utterly unbridled for a special event made for adults only. That’s right, kiddies, get to steppin’ because 18+ Night at Deranged ain’t for you! Send your mommas, send your daddies — they’re defiling everyone up in here!
What exactly goes on at 18+ Night? Well, such details are not so cavalierly revealed when among polite society, but suffice it to say, that when the freaks come out and the rules are loosened, imagination can run wild! My sources embedded within the City of Covensfield report that a sleazy, smut peddler has been harassing residents with a camcorder, and that the girls of Deja Voodoo have debuted a new performance known simply as…lunch buffet? Another report suggested that Mr. Sinister was photographed in a gimp suit, leading a speedo-clad Bigfoot through the woods on a heavy chain!
Who knows what menace will be unleased if Mayor Kalloway (yes, the cult leader) and former Mayor Conwell (yes, the murderous psychopath) are present for such an event! Fear not, haunt fiends for I have it on good authority that a very special member of law enforcement will be on the scene to keep the peace!
And listen, those rumors about morbidly obese streakers inside Starfall Mall are definitely false. And there’s certainly nothing weird and unnatural being done to the recently deceased in Hallow Hills Cemetery. And the crops being harvested at the Gourdan Family Farm are perfectly good for human consumption.
Maybe.
Probably.
All shall be revealed tonight at Deranged for 18+ Only!!!
