Archive for grosse ile

Hot Box

Posted in SIN Chronicles with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 16, 2016 by bluefall8

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Saturday was a long, exhausting night at SIN. I’d estimate that we had more crew members than any other night thus far. Zack, the male cheerleader, from last weekend even returned with his tall friend to volunteer — the pair worked the dining room and Zodiac respectively. We would need all those crew members too because the bars in Wyandotte were hosting a zombie pub crawl and those drunken meat bags shambled into SIN.

I’m not sure what time the house began to get busy — 8pm maybe 8:30pm but once it started it didn’t stop until Midnight. Haunt zero was packed with warm bodies and as the temperature rose I began to regret my decision to wear two flannels. I did venture outside from time to time to cool down and steal some fresh air but the vast majority of my night was spent with the horde of patrons just inside the doors of SIN and what an interesting amalgam of humanity they were.

FREAKS, FRIENDS & DEGENERATES

There several different types of guests at a haunted attraction and I think I witnessed the whole gamut last night. There’s those who react predictably, that is too say frightened and nervous such as a pair of petite Indian women who snickered and cowered any time I was nearby. These people are harmless and want to be scared; the consummate customer.

There’s also people I’ve found who are genuinely pleasant to interact with but I don’t know that until I’ve conducted one of my various ice-breakers. Usually, once I’ve got a vibe from them I downplay the creepier elements of Vermin and allow more room for comedy or relatively lighthearted banter. Such was the case with a young couple from Grosse Ile (yeah, we’re getting a lot of folks from Money Island). The young man happened to be wearing his girlfriend’s varsity jacket — a point that both myself and Daffodil took issue with. There was also a younger sister or friend with them named Emma and she was frosty for most of the wait in line but did eventually warm to Vermin. They seemed like good people and I was legitimately sad to see them disappear through the entrance of the haunt.

The same can be said of a young woman named Cassidy who I interacted with on several occasions while she and her lone friend waiting to enter the attraction. These people aren’t so different from the first group really; they want to be scared too. The difference is that they’re entertained by both the character and the person behind that character. It’s a nice change of pace actually, it’s exhausting trying to creep out and scare every last guest. Typically, when I’m confronted with these kinds of groups and individuals I like to crack jokes and flirt. It’s good clean fun.

There’s a third type that’s simply enamored with the whole experience. They’re more likely to give a character a hug than to be startled or scared; these people want to work at a haunted attraction and I’m always on the look out for them because the act must be adjusted for these people. The more you try to freak them out, the more they will latch on to you as their new best friend.

There was a sweet 13-year-old girl named Logan in line with a group of friends and she fit the profile perfectly. She deflected all of Vermin’s strangeness with a serene smile and spunky attitude. Indeed her colorful braces and plentiful freckles made for a face so adorable only a true maniac would want to see her so much as frown. She asked to braid my hair, she asked for a hug, she asked if she could work at the joint. The girl was fearless and I admired her for it.

Unless I’m doing the creepy smell-my-hair bit I don’t encourage customers to touch me, it can be a slippery slope. But Logan really wanted to braid Vermin’s hair and the kid had a heart of gold so I allowed her to put that braid in my hair. It’s all improv when you get down to it and I try my best to keep people entertained. I love to see people smile.

Another guy who fell into this category was Kramer, yeah, his parents named him Kramer. He was there with his sister Avery and a couple of her friends. Kramer seemed quiet at first perhaps even a bit of a stick in the mud but then he lit up like a Christmas Tree and engaged in a series of out-of-the-blue masturbation jokes. Never to be one caught off guard, Vermin went right ahead with the conversation and it was a bit of fun that we revisited a couple of times while Kramer remained in line. He even presented both of his hands at one point, palms up and discussed his relationship with each. I informed him that he was indeed a brave soul to hold his hands in such a fashion beneath a black light; a line that drew much laughter for all involved.

OTHER ODD AND INTERESTING DUCKS

There are others of course who fall into the various categories or even over-lap into several; most of them too are enjoyable to interact with in their own way. I had a conversation with a young guy who worked construction in Ohio, his name was Darryl. He was curiously accompanied by a gaggle of attractive Russian co-eds, not sure what that was about but probably an indication of good things for Darryl. He and Vermin worked out a deal on cement shoes and agreed to keep the whole thing hush-hush. When he passed Vermin again later he reiterated the deal and then at nearly the same time we each placed an index finger to our lips, conspiratorially. You can’t plan that kind of stuff, it just happens.

Yet another interesting pair came in the form of Zombie Pub Crawl participants. A young, skinny dude was dressed as undead Elvis while his friend was a sprite of a man who sort of resembled Popeye or maybe Popeye’s less impressive cousin. They were both drunk both not obnoxious drunk, just drunk enough to act foolish and have a good time. Pint-sized Not Popeye informed me proudly that his name was Typhoon Tommy, he even produced a credit card as proof. That credit card read: Typhoon Tommy. The hell? I later learned from Grace who was again stationed in H.H. Holmes that the duo tried to playfully chomp her. Some people, man.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS

There are a few other types I want to touch on, but this entry has gone on long enough so I’ll save those for a separate post. Just to whet the ole whistle, that future post will concern combative, rude customers which is something anybody whose worked with the public has dealt with from time to time. But perhaps more interestingly, it will also address how I like to approach physically imposing guests who are a unique challenge altogether.

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Lunatic Fringe

Posted in SIN Chronicles with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 15, 2016 by bluefall8

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PSYCHO PROPANE COCAINE CRAZY

I rolled into SIN on Friday night like a storm. I wasn’t able to arrive until roughly 9:30pm because of work and indeed it was due to an incident at work that had me supercharged and on fire. Some of my fellow actors were in need of bathroom breaks so I spent the first half hour or so rotating between several rooms — first Bundy, then Ramirez and finally, Dahmer. I paced the floor and pulled at my hair because that energy had to go somewhere.

In Bundy I disparaged an attempt at humor from one group and punctuated the point by booting a chair across the room. Once in Ramirez I absorbed the space and crafted a few scares; I was so psyched up I begin jumping on a bed that was located in one corner of the room. I wasn’t aware of it at the time but a fellow actor from an adjacent haunt had poked her head into the room at that moment, witnessed my frenzied state and slowly backed out. We shared a laugh about it later.

When some guests did arrive in Ramirez, I commanded one of them to sit in a chair, placed a troll doll at their feet and demanded it be worshiped as a God. There was hesitation of course but at least one of them eventually complied with the absurd demands just in time for one of my co-workers, Danielle, to enter and witness the odd scene. The trio soon fled led by a visibly shaken teenage male named Fidel, oh Fidel was a great target indeed. Danny and I shared several laughs about that moment throughout the night.

In Dahmer I paced the large kitchen like a madman. I picked up a skull and argued with it forcibly; when a group would enter I purposely ignored them momentarily but made sure to block their path by manically pacing back and forth. Inevitably my disagreement with the skull led to throwing a bowl across the room, an action that elicited excitement and fright. I also climbed a top an empty steel drum and surprised one group by leaping from it as soon as they’d entered the room.

I definitely prefer to roam but the limited time I spent in each of these rooms on Friday was a great way to channel my agitation and engage in some jump scares that are harder to come by in the queue line.

CRAZY WHITE BOY

Although that initial surge of energy was burned off a flood of adrenaline continued to course through my veins for much of the night and was probably best applied with a couple of self-absorbed rich kids from Grosse Ile. One of them actually tried to buy Farley, Murray the Clown’s signature blade and when that failed went on to brag about his Maserati and the company he owned at the age of 17. All of which was handed to him by mommy and daddy, or course. Well that’s all the ammunition we really needed, although he and his resentful buddy would provide much more fodder.

Vermin, Daffodil and Dr. Giggles assailed the duo with a hail of insults and mind games that I like to think genuinely shook the pair and gave them a taste of humility. Richie Rich professed to have a generous spirit so I retorted,  “Well then, make it rain, Scrooge McDuck.” You see, in the carnival that is my mind there is no more cartoonish representation of obscene wealth than the Duck Tales patriarch.

The line drew laughs from all involved and provided a moment of levity which was good because one of our less-than-merry band was about to get heavy. Dr. Giggles issued a harsh rebuke and informed the pair of the charitable nature of the haunted house itself. Following the tongue lashing the boys claimed that they would return to their fancy car and retrieve some money for tickets, but to no one’s surprise we never saw them again. I hope their dreams were haunted by our words.

The 11 o’clock hour brought to SIN a rough looking group from Detroit who were weirded out every bit as much as their refined counterparts from Grosse Ile. A tall, skinny 20-something male squirmed and recoiled whenever I approached him. While in haunt zero he paid me an enormous compliment aided by the use of profanity as it was, “What the fuck! You’re not even wearin’ a costume. Yeah, you’re intimidatin’ as fuck! You’re like one of those crazy white boys, aren’t you?!” Guilty. In a night that featured so many memorable moments that just might have been my favorite. It’s exchanges such as this that let me know Vermin is doing his job.

FLIGHT TO THE FINISH

Once the final group of the night had entered the house I sprinted over to the H.H. Holmes haunt to execute a scare with Grace that we’ve had success with on a number of parties. Typically, Grace plays the role of the murderous hotel magnate but for this particular scare she shed that role and slipped into the skin of a victim. I crawled under the bed and waited for my cue. When the couple entered Grace began begging for their help and spoke of an awful man who was soon to return. The terrified couple had no interest in helping the poor girl and when they attempted to scamper from the room I crawled from beneath the bed and watched two adult human beings melt into a pile of quivering goo.

The male threw himself against the far wall and then darted in front of his girlfriend. She didn’t seem to notice however, because her eyes were only half open, her head jerked from side to side like a broken robot, her right hand was held aloft and shook uncontrollably. For all the world, the only way I can describe the scene is as if I’d watch an out-of-water fish flop like it were experiencing a seizure.

And it was glorious to behold.

The Psycho Path Headlines Downriver Haunt Stomp

Posted in Preludes and Nocturnes with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 16, 2015 by bluefall8

It’s a nice night to stay close to home and hit some haunts in the Downriver area. It wasn’t so long ago that nearly a dozen haunted attractions populated the region but recent years have witnessed the demise of The Lab in Grosse Ile, Leo’s House of Horrors in Riverview and Scream Machine and Extreme Scream in Taylor. Still, a healthy number remain and we’re set to tour at least two, possibly three local attractions tonight.

First, we’ll travel The Psycho Path in Flat Rock where the Mad Hatter has unbound a storybook and is primed to thrill guests with a one-of-a-kind fairy tale horror show. In 2014, The Psycho Path presented the Gosch Brothers Circus of Horrors and it became the sleeper hit of the season. I was pleasantly surprised by the costuming, make-up and level of theatrics — I have high hopes for the twisted fairy tale theme.

2014 Review of The Psycho Path

Psycho Path Sleeper Cell

Once we’ve finished there we’ll decide what to tour next; in the mix is Delirium by the Wyandotte Jaycees, Woods of Darkness in South Rockwood and Realm of Haunted Minds located at the Huron Turkey Farm in Romulus, an old favorite.

Happy Haunting!

Trio of Downriver Haunts Spark Season

Posted in 2009, Extreme Scream, Hallowblog, Review, Scream Machine, The Lab with tags , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2014 by bluefall8

Few nights of haunting contain three separate attractions as enjoyable as those we experienced in this post from Thursday, October 8, 2009. And as you’ll read we were in desperate need of such a night after suffering a disappointment of historic proportions just one week earlier. It pains me to say that all three of these haunted attractions are no longer in existence.

When the book is closed on the 2009 haunt season it’s likely that we’ll point to Friday, October 2 as the night that saved the Haunt Trinity. One week earlier we had suffered the most disappointing outing in our history. The experience had left us skeptical about the 2009 season; our enthusiasm had noticeably waned. We needed a night like last Friday, an outing that will forever be enshrined in Haunt Trinity lore as Redemption Night.

The night began when Jason, Richard, and Disco arrived at my apartment just past 8:00 p.m. We planned to hit three area haunts and after a little debating we decided to start at The Scream Machine in Taylor. We skipped Scream Machine last year because previous visits in 2006 and 2007, although quite enjoyable, were fairly similar. We plopped down our $15 and enjoyed the castle facade before entering the haunted halls of The Scream Machine.

In 2006 The Scream Machine premiered The Hellevator, a cursed elevator that wildly transports haunters to the bowels of a forgotten land. It’s always a lot of fun and a great way to start any haunted adventure. We’ve experienced this feature at several other haunts but we have yet to find any place that does it as well as Scream Machine. The Hellevator is pitch black as you enter and when the door shuts the wild ride begins with violent tremors followed by electrical noises and flashing lights that reveal a long, black-haired girl creeping out of the far corner. When the Hellevator comes to rest an unsettling whisper seeps into your skull, “We’ve been waiting for you.” I’m positive that the line is from a horror movie although the title escapes me at the moment nevertheless the effect is well timed and very creepy; it feels as if the sound has actually formed a cushion around your head. The ride comes to an end and guests are released into a spinning vortex tunnel before entering Scream Machine proper.

The majority of this attraction sends haunters winding through an elaborate cemetery complete with dank crypts and prowling creatures. This is the same basic layout that The Scream Machine has employed in the past except this year it’s much more immersive, so much so that Jason likened the experience to The Realm of Darkness. The scenes are highly detailed featuring a great blend of still props and animatronics that provide the eye candy that has become a staple of Scream Machine.

Eye candy is great but live actors are the heart of almost every haunt and The Scream Machine had warm bodies in spades. On the whole the actors were committed and persistent with several ghouls assailing our group more than once. The actors were also very well timed in fact the crew here made Jason jump more than he ever has at any one haunt. A great number of those scares came from an old trick of the haunting trade: drop down panels. There is nothing spectacular about this gag as a matter of fact they’re usually easy to spot, for example if you see a picture or a squared shaped panel on a wall it’s a safe bet that a monster will appear from behind the wall but The Scream Machine integrated them so well into the attraction that we were surprised numerous times. Deadites sprung from wooden boxes adorned with skulls and materialized behind casket shaped designs covered with skeletons that had been in-laid into the walls. It was a new twist on an old trick and it served the overall effect of the haunt very well.

The Scream Machine also features a church scene which has been a favorite of mine since my first visit in 2002. In that year as well as 2007 haunters are made to wind their way through a series of pews where a gruesome assortment of characters await your passing. In this year’s version the church is significantly scaled down which does detract from the overall grandeur of the scene but in its place is a sense of foreboding intimacy. Guests enter the room and travel a single, narrow path flanked on both sides by a set of pews containing half a dozen freaks and weirdoes. An actor does pounce on your group but it isn’t one of the seated patrons of the church which I feel would be the most appropriate scare in this setting; however this is merely a minor, even subjective flaw in what is an otherwise great attraction.

Yet another scene of note is the chop shop setting near the end of the attraction. Haunters are treated to a prelude of this scene while traversing a dark hall in which the right wall is made up of wooden planks. The gaping boards offered a glimpse into the next room which contained a pasty faced ghoul who eyed our gang hungrily as he cocked his head to and fro sizing up his potential meal. Once inside the room we discovered a smattering of body parts hanging from the ceiling and no sooner were attacked by the pasty faced one and a deranged buddy of his. Pasty Face pursued us through the chop shop and into a room with jars of pickled body parts.

We shook him as we entered a series of rooms that were formally used as part of Carnevil of Lost Souls, a 3D attraction that once followed The Scream Machine. These attractions are universally distinguishable by the special paint used to decorate the walls, paint that glows underneath a blacklight. The change of scene did not seem disjointed from the rest of the haunt and I think it was a cool decision by the operators to incorporate some of this space into this year’s version of The Scream Machine. A cackling jester pranced about the maze like rooms and seemed to delight in our inability to navigate the structure. Eventually this happily demented creature pointed us to the exit, pleasantly cackling the entire time.

If I had to describe Scream Machine in one word it would be execution. Nearly everything here from the actors to the props to the very pace of the haunt is executed with extreme precision. There is room for improvement but any such changes would be described as subtle at best. The $15 price tag does sting a bit but if you live in the downriver area and want to experience an excellent haunted attraction without driving a half an hour or more then The Scream Machine will suit yours needs nicely.

“I’ve been threatened with a pickling!”

-My warning to the rest of the group when a sadistic mad man threatened me after I observed a jar of pickled eyes

“The big one’s jumpy!”

-A nasty ghoulie alerting his monster brethren to Jason’s nervous nature

“The antithesis of stretch face.”

-Richard, commenting on a shrunken faced skeleton that put him in mind of an unsavory lass

Rating: 4 1/2 stars

Next up was a stop at the Wyandotte Jaycees’ 2009 effort, Hellblock 13. Located at the corner of Biddle and Ford Avenue the haunt is located in what used to be a police station. However, when we arrived the place was oddly deserted and lit rooms were plainly visible through the windows from the street. The haunt was supposed to open on Thursday night but an employee informed us that it wasn’t quite ready and it would instead open on October 8th. I would think that a local group that has placed ads in both the Fear Finder and Haunt Guide would be open on time but clearly I’d be wrong. It strikes of unprofessionalism and brings to mind the disappointing effort we witnessed from this group last year. It remains to be seen if we’ll find the time to return to this local venue.

This set back would do little to deter our haunting spirit as we immediately decided to head over to the old school haunt Extreme Scream. There was only one group of people in front of us when we arrived and thus our wait was minimal. If you find yourself at Extreme Scream take a moment to appreciate the throw back artwork splashed across the walls while you wait in line, it puts me in mind of the Halloween imagery of my early childhood.

The haunt stumbled out of the gate when I began to open the door to the first room and saw three actors making a slow exit. I purposely delayed to allow them a moment to scram but they seem disoriented and out of sync as we traversed the first series of rooms. Luckily business picked up from here and we experienced yet another knock out, old school effort from Extreme Scream.

The hallways were pitch black as usual which naturally heightens the other senses for the eventual scares just around the corner. I enjoyed the off beat sound effects employed here, a mixture of breaking glass, power tools, and other loud disconcerting noises of a similar vein. The sound system did go oddly quiet at times and the overall experience would have been better served had it not because during these brief lulls distant chatter could be heard. Thankfully it was brief as such a thing can kill the atmosphere of an attraction; we witnessed this last year at Templin’s Night Terror in Wyandotte and boy was it lame.

One feature I absolutely love at Extreme Scream is the creative ways in which haunters are made to traverse the haunt. We experienced this in 2004 when we were made to crouch through a hallway only to be loaded into a cart at the end and then again last year when we were forced to crawl through entire passageways and shuffle sideways through others. This year guests come upon a hallway lined with lockers and when that hall dead end’s into more lockers a hidden ghoul emerges and reveals a hidden passageway within the lockers. Haunters crawl through a narrow passage while creeps stalk from above offering threats and insults.

I also enjoy the unique strobe effect employed at Extreme Scream. Most haunts use a standard strobe effect which pulses quickly making movements appear staggered or jittery and while that’s visually startling in its own right Extreme Scream has mastered a technique that serves its purposes well. Here the strobe flashes very slowly perhaps one burst of light every five seconds. In this way guests get a very quick glimpse of their surroundings before being swallowed by total darkness once more. The effect is similar to that of a camera flash and in this way it is blinding.

Another room of great interest was what we came to call the silhouette room named for the outlined druids surrounding the walls perimeter. As each outline is painted black haunters are left to guess which outline will act as a door and guide them to the next room, it’s simply another example of old school tactics put to good use. This room led to an interesting scene indeed something we’ve never witnessed before, a scene so bizarre that perhaps it would have been more at home at Terrortown’s House of the Dead. Initially the room was pitch black like many others but one of those patented strobe blasts later I caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a painting of the head of a massive monster on the wall. There was a hole near the top of the wall and from that void was draped a massive tongue which gave my leg a grazing lick. I had just been violated by a 13-foot monster tongue and it amused me something fierce!

The haunt draws to an end with a series of narrow hallways which routes guests into a room with thin PVC pipes hanging from the ceiling. A feature like this may not sound very impressive but it compliments the haunt well and adds just a tinge of fun house flavor. The finale is slightly improved over last year replacing a rather mild puppet in an electric chair with a hefty live actor who gets zapped instead and issues shrieks of agony. This scene leads haunters into the final room where the archetypical chainsaw wielding maniac makes sure that you vacate the grounds.

Extreme Scream is a hell of a bargain at just $10; you’ll be hard pressed to find a bigger bang for your dollar. This haunt is a throw back in every sense of the word and any self respecting haunter would be wise to pay Extreme Scream a visit. Attractions like this are a dying breed and that’s a shame because this is what haunting is all about at its roots. Extreme Scream isn’t perfect in fact some additional training for the actors would serve the haunt well, but the up side here far out paces any shortcomings and therefore Extreme Scream should be an essential destination on anyone’s list of must see area haunts.

“It’s just a junkie in his bed.”

-My reaction to the guy who squirmed from beneath bed sheets and ordered us out of his room

“Extreme Scream…old school haunting done right.”

“Was that your attempt to be quoted in Hallowblog? Cause you’re gonna fuckin’ have to try harder than that.”

-Jason delivering a line so bad it was good followed by my derisive retort

Rating: 4 1/2 stars

The final destination of the night resided on the isle of Grosse Ile at a little haunt known as The Lab. This particular attraction was not on our radar last season but we were eager to see if it had improved since our last visit in 2007. The haunt is in a great location; located near the southern tip of the island it borders woodland that provides an ominous rustic ambience. We were allowed to select one of four Lab buttons with the purchase of our ticket, a nice bonus to a haunt nerd such as myself.

The infamous Dr. Pickles engages haunters at the entrance of the haunt flanked by an armed guard meanwhile a 9-foot mutant insect harasses guests. We were not made to wait long as the line was quite short. The good doctor has us step into a hallway as he explains a few basic rules before allowing us to proceed into a small lobby where a second armed guard is present. Here haunters view a short video featuring a Gen-Tech Labs scientist who explains the bizarre situation into which you and your friends are about to be thrust. I’m a fan of the video introduction even if it is slightly corny but I wish the creative team here would use this opportunity for a fun scare. As I mentioned this takes place in a small lobby so there isn’t a lot of places to hide but the room does have this cool balcony that would be an ideal place to spring a surprise. Maybe a dummy could be thrown from the perch or perhaps a crazed ghoul attempts to lower a noose over the neck of an unsuspecting rube. Better yet, perhaps a mutated scientist could emerge and warn your party of the folly upon which you are about to embark only to be gunned down by the armed guard. Now that would set the tone of the haunt quite nicely. Anyway, after the video the guard asks your group to pick a leader, the person who will carry the data collecting keycard around their neck and this year Jason was afforded the honors.

Two years ago one of my biggest complaints about The Lab was its lack of live actors but to their credit they improved in this area offering up plenty of warm blooded monstrosities. The first creature of note was an irradiated skeleton lodged in a barrel of toxic waste, a comically creepy scene indeed. As we ventured deeper into the madness of Gen-Tech Labs we were assaulted by spitting lizards and nearly chomped by an enormous plant creature with a bulbous head. Later we came upon a research lab which contained alien fetuses preserved in large tubes. When we leaned closer to the glass that separated us from the room a fiendish ghoul smashed his face against the glass. As we departed this ghastly scene we came upon a hallway filled with ankle deep smoke, green lasers swept through the mist creating a swamp like atmosphere; an effect I like very much.

Shortly after we entered a lab and were greeted by an eccentric nutter who called himself Dr. Sprinkles. Apparently, as he informed us, Dr. Sprinkles had been conducting experiments with cadavers in an attempt to raise the dead. He made a spectacle of demonstrating his technique and became excited to the point of orgasmic euphoria when it seemed his wretch of a specimen would indeed rise. However, the experiment went awry and Dr. Sprinkles became incensed demanding that we leave the room. As we exited his creature rose and the doctor returned to his blissful state.

It wasn’t long that we came upon yet another doctor, Dr. Pickles. Apparently the situation inside The Lab had become dire enough as to pry him away from his post at the entrance. A werewolf burst forth from a crate and Dr. Pickles diligently fought the furry fiend off with a crowbar. He offered up some solid banter before urging us to strike forward. I shook his hand for valiantly defending us which the doctor told me was foolish owing to the fact that everything in The Lab was contaminated, I’d been hoodwinked. We left Dr. Pickles to deal with the werewolf and were meet shortly thereafter by a creature who would have felt at home in the Black Lagoon. He made desperate gurgling noises and gestured wildly for us to continue down the path. It was a neat sound effect and quite appropriate for the character in question.

We were nearly at the end of the haunt when we entered a dark room where a fair, young maiden lay gutted on a slab. More than one member of our group had their heart set on a juicy squibbing but those hopes were dashed when the keeper of the room emerged with his chainsaw. A light flashed before us and a second girl screamed from behind a door urging us to flee the scene. A few twists and turns later we found ourselves traversing a uniquely shaped triangular hall illuminated by orange lights beneath grates in the floor. The smoke filled room gave me the impression of a giant honeycomb which caused me to flash on that scene in the 1998 X-files film where Mulder and Scully find those weird structures that contain genetically modified bees.

The shouts of an armed guard called out to us as we passed a security room containing a petrified corpse, a shrieking harpy assailed us from the right and then offered a flirtatious greeting which Jason took as evidence to support his long standing claim about females that work at haunted attractions. He would not however get the opportunity to explore the situation further as the armed guard appeared and insisted that we dart down a nearby staircase. We did as he suggested and found a hungry T-Rex snapping at our heads from above but we avoided the beast and came to the bottom of the staircase, turned in the keycard, and exited The Lab.

The 2009 offering at The Lab surpasses the effort we witnessed two years ago. There do remain a number of scenes involving prop animals and plant creatures which served as a detriment in 2007 but the haunt has been balanced nicely by the addition of many live actors. The layout of the attraction has been modified as well, it isn’t a total overhaul but the tweaks that have been made serve the theme of the haunt well. I love the structure of this building especially the area near the end with the ramps. There’s still work to be done here if The Lab is to join the ranks of the elite but the show is heading in the right direction.

“I think he said he’s got an itchy taint.”

-Me, attempting to translate the swampland gibberish of the Black Lagoon creature

“You moron, now you’re infected too.”

-Dr. Pickles, after I insisted on shaking his hand

“Nothing could redeem last week.”

-Richard, responding to claims that our successful night of haunting had a redemptive nature after our lackluster visit to Jackson’s Underworld and Homer Mill one week prior

Rating: 3 1/2 stars

2009 Haunt Season Preview

Posted in Hallowblog with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 12, 2014 by bluefall8

This entry served as the official kickoff to the 2009 haunt season and was originally posted on Friday, September 11, 2009. The song at the top of this entry is called “Bag- O’-Bones” and was included on a Halloween CD called Moans from the Mausoleum.

This entry briefly summarized the 2008 haunt season, but focused mainly on the attractions we were likely to visit in 2009.

As with many of these Hallowblog entries, many of the links that were included at the time no longer function and thus have been deactivated. 

Well I heard about this Monster Mash dance
bunch of creatures flailing around
Well listen up cause now’s your chance
to get spooky and get down

Do the bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
do the bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
Let the skeleton inside you dance around
Do the bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
do the bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
Let the skeleton inside you dance around.

Now get up on the bony feet
And give those bony hands a clap
Well then you move those bony knees
And give that funny bone a slap
And that’s the bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
That’s the bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
Let the skeleton inside you dance around
That’s the bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
do the bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
Let the skeleton inside you dance around.

I think you really outta be knowin’
wherever you might be a goin’
well there’s a skeleton walkin’ round
they ain’t just buried in the ground
Cause you’re a bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
You’re a bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
So let the skeleton inside you dance around
Do the bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
You’re a bag o’ bones (bag o’ bones)
So let the skeleton inside you dance around.

Whoa, you’re so creepy
I think you’re scaring me a little bit now

I saw the first true signs of fall today; a few leaves had fallen from their summer perch. I knew then that the time was ripe for the first edition of Hallowblog 2009. The 2009 haunt season is nearly here and yet the memories of last year are still so fresh in my mind, it’s hard to believe that the annual celebration of all things frightful and mysterious is so close. Ahhhh, a haunting we shall go indeed but first we have much news to discuss.

The 2008 haunt season was unparalled in scope, in fact the season was such a success it will be the focus of an upcoming edition of Hallowblog. Today however we gather here at this hallowed hearth for a glimpse not into the past, no today we look into the creepy things to come.

My fellow haunters will be excited to know that a majority of haunts have already updated their websites for the coming season one of the noteworthy few that has not is TerrorTown. It is with great anticipation that I await an update from those that provided such a memorable experience last year with The House of the Dead.

Like last year Pigman’s Lair in Chelsea will be dark and it doesn’t seem as if the operators have a definitive plan for the future either. You can amuse yourself with the legend of the Pigman though; I think it’s worth a read anyway.

Legend of the Pigman

While driving on Biddle in Wyandotte last week I made a sad discovery: the building that held 2007’s Hell’s Hospital and 2008’s Templin’s Night Terror has been demolished. I have yet to hear where the Wyandotte Jaycees will hold their attraction this year but you can trust that I’ll keep my eyes and ears open.

I don’t know about anyone else but I still long for a return visit to the Nautical Nightmare. The rug was pulled out from beneath us last year and it just wasn’t right my friends. The Haunt Trinity could have been cannibalized by famished hobos! I’ve emailed somebody involved with the restoration of the Ste. Claire regarding the possible return of the water bound haunt but I have yet to receive a response.

Zioptis will apparently initiate a new rating system for haunts this year. It states on their website that too many people were failing to understand the star system or more specifically for example how a mega-haunt such as Erebus could receive the same rating as a locally produced modular haunt. Well Zioptis clearly states that the ratings are a reflection of how well an individual haunt executes what it sets out to do. They are not meant to serve as a comparison from one attraction to the next. I’m not sure how people fail to understand that, retards. Zioptis also claims that the ratings have inadvertently pitted haunts against each other. The site isn’t exactly clear on what this new system will look like but I can assure you that Hallowblog will continue to grade haunts on the star system. I’ve always enjoyed the information that Zioptis displays and I think the star system is a fine way to rate haunts. If Zioptis is guilty of anything it’s granting far too many 5 star ratings. Too often the site fails to give in-depth details of any haunt and has a tendency to give glowing reviews to mediocre attractions.

The Fear Finder may be released as early as next week but realistically I look for it to flood the area the following week. When it does come out I and my fellows haunters will have some tough decisions to make. We visited a lot of great haunts last year but it’ll be near impossible to revisit them all this year if we also plan to hit some new haunts. The 2009 haunt season will have to be the most carefully planned to date if we’re to make this year as successful and entertaining as the last. Let’s take a look at a sampling of possible first time visits then shall we?

The first haunt that jumped out at me this year is The Haunt in Walker. It’s quite a drive from my apartment, clocking in at 2 hours and 45 minutes so that would obviously be a factor but I encourage all fellow haunters to check out each haunt and bring your own opinions to the table.

An Ohio haunt that has hit the Haunt Trinity radar is The Haunted Hydro. This haunt is located in Fremont which is approximately 30 minutes south of TerrorTown in Maumee. This pair of haunts could make for an adventurous night in the Buckeye State.

In Michigan I discovered a brand new haunt in Jackson called Jackson’s Underworld. I first came across this while looking at the Homer Mill’s myspace page, I’m unsure as to whether it’s operated by the same people or if the two haunts have simply formed an alliance. One thing is for certain if the folks at the Homer Mill are either endorsing or producing this new locale it’s worth checking out.

Also in Michigan is Darksyde Acres in Jonesville. Darksyde Acres features a number of attractions and is produced by Bodybag Entertainment, the same company that was supposed to produce the Nautical Nightmare last year. The sheer size of this place and the ambition of those involved makes this location intriguing but last years disappearing act at Hart Plaza, while not totally the fault of Bodybag Entertainment, has left a bad taste in my mouth. For the time being we’ll place this one in the wild card category.

And there’s plenty of potential first time haunts that we simply didn’t make it to last year like Haunted Farm of Terror in Lenox Township and it’s nearby neighbors Slaughtered at Sundown and Blake’s in Armada. There are also dark horse contenders to consider like The Deadland Haunted House in Davison, The Crypt in Burton, or St. Lucifer’s Haunted Asylum in Grand Blanc.

And then the waters really get muddied when you start to consider which of our favorite mainstays will have to sit on the sidelines during the 2009 season. Last year we opted not to visit The Scream Machine in Taylor or The Lab in Grosse Ile but where will the axe fall this year? I’d like to visit The Scream Machine this year although The Lab is up for debate. The Lab is changing things up a bit this year offering guests an opportunity to traverse the haunt in total darkness with nothing to guide your party but a single glow stick. This “Lights Out” feature will run at midnight every Friday and Saturday.

It has been suggested that perhaps we skip Pontiac’s twin terrors this season: Erebus and The Realm of Darkness. These two haunts have served as our biggest night out the last three seasons and excluding them borders on sacrilege…but if we are to maximize both our time and dollar it may have to be a sacrifice we’re willing to make.

One place that I definitely want to return to is Deadly Intentions in Warren. This haunt scorched our frontal lobes last Halloween and the recently released 2009 theme has set my horror juices a’ bubbling: City of the Living Dead. I don’t think I have to say any more than that to those who witnessed this balls out effort last year. Jason and Disco I ask you this, can the dynamics we experienced at this haunt last year coupled with the excitement of an apocalyptic zombie theme result in anything less than an all time classic? This is a dark alchemy not soon to be forgotten.

Nor can we simply forget about Extreme Scream in Taylor or The Realm of Haunted Minds in Romulus both put forth worthy efforts last year and we’d be remiss to dismiss them so easily. And there’s also Chainsaw Creek in Toledo which delighted us last season with a slew of tasteless characters. It also remains to be known whether or not Adrian’s The Haunting deserves a second chance after a relatively disappointing visit in 2007. I would also like to propose a possible visit to Cedar Point HalloWeekends which features two new attractions this year, one of which is called Happy Jack’s Toy Factory. Can you think of a more devilishly fun theme for a haunted attraction than that?! It’ll be like Chucky, Puppetmaster, and Goosebumps all rolled into one!

We have many decisions to make this season my haunt brethren, let us choose wisely.

Official Launch of the 2008 Haunt Season

Posted in Hallowblog, Haunt Season Rewind with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2014 by bluefall8

This flashback erupted into existence on Saturday, September 27, 2008. For a few years I enjoyed this style of entry as a way to provide highlights of the previous season at the cusp of the latest season of screams. It’s an idea I’ve considered resurrecting and honestly it brings back a lot of good memories. Here I provided snippets from reviews of all the haunted attractions we visited in 2007 and also touched on our then impending visit to the Homer Mill. 

Bring out your dead, bring out your dead! Tonight the haunt season blasts off with a visit to the Homer Mill. Jason and Disco will arrive at my apartment at approximately 7 p.m. The estimated drive time to the village of Homer is 1 hour and 45 minutes and I suspect, in the words of Bilbo Baggins, “This shall be a night to remember.” As we kick off another wonderful season of tricks and treats I suggest we step into a portal and experience once more the magic that thrilled us in 2007.

Last year Hallowblog became the forum in which I chronicled all things Halloween, throughout the season many memorable moments were enshrined in Hallowblog lore, here’s a look back at the best of the best.

It was last year on this very weekend that we visited The Haunting in Adrian. The trip was detailed in a September 29th edition of Hallowblog entitled, Haunting Season Begins.

On the Haunting’s main attraction, The 13th Floor

“The remainder of the attraction was less than stellar but the fat lady with the butcher knife managed to elicit some laughs when she leapt at us and proclaimed, “Meat! I looooove meat!””

“The last item of interest was an immensely large man who sat upon a bed gnawing at a brain. I wasn’t quite sure why anyone would fear this as I harbored serious doubts that he could so much as heave his gelatinous form from the space he occupied.”

On The Haunting’s Manic Maze

“Absent were any actors or props but the maze did give us the opportunity to run around like idiots attempting to frighten other, unsuspecting guests.”

Friday, October 12th marked our next outing. On this night we targeted three downriver haunts, The Lab in Grosse Ile, The Scream Machine in Taylor, and finally Hell’s Hospital in Wyandotte. The shenanigans from this trip were recorded in Hallowblog the following day in an entry titled Downriver Haunt Review.

On The Lab

“I waited for his infected ass to leap at us and beg for help but it turned out to be simply a prop after all.”

“There was a hefty chainsaw wielding fellow who played his role well, trapping us against a wall while repeatedly asking for Amanda’s eyes with apparent sexual zest.”

“I however thought the keycard was a cool souvenir and therefore stowed it in my back pocket and proceeded to inform the guard that I had lost it.”

On The Scream Machine and The Carnevil of Lost Souls in 3D

“I just have to meet Chunk the Clown who happens to reside somewhere in the mysterious annuls of the 3D realm.”

“After The Scream Machine McCreary professed that she had pissed her pants and thus departed.”

On Hell’s Hospital

“While you wait in line a gimpy little fellow entertains the masses with a combination of guttural sounds and questionable gestures.”

The final edition of Hallowblog was posted on October 21st and recounted our visit to two kings of the haunt industry: The Realm of Darkness and Erebus. The entry was entitled Haunt Season Home Stretch.

On the Realm of Darkness

“Our first stop was The Realm of Darkness where I looked to avenge last year’s defeat to the elusive Wizard.”

“A few that stood out include the screaming girl in the swinging cage, the massive demon, the clown that stood stock still in the black light lit tunnel, and the man on stilts who would not relent in terrorizing Jason until I yelled rape.”

“The fucking wizard eluded us once more and I was left to curse his wretched name for another year.”

On Erebus

“I like Erebus, I like it a lot but for me it has less of a feel of a traditional haunted house and more of a funhouse on crack.”

Ahhh, memories! The 2007 haunt season was indeed memorable, in fact I visited more haunts last year than in any other past year. If you count my stint working at Pumpkin Forest Hayrides last years’ visited haunts total eight. But last season was hampered by a severe lack of funds on my behalf and a failure to organize an outing past October 19th. I should avoid those pitfalls this year as I’ve been planning like a manic lunatic and working many hours between two jobs. I want this to be the best haunt season I’ve ever experienced and part of that is smashing to bits the record amount of haunts we visited last year.

I’m very excited for tonight’s visit to the Homer Mill. Last year our trip to The Haunting in Adrian required a relatively lengthy drive but that jaunt through small towns and farm country added a layer of mystery, intrigue, and fright to our adventure. The trip to the village of Homer will be nearly double the length of the route to Adrian and I’m hoping that this year’s season opener will find us on a route of similar eeriness. The fact that Homer is a village has me dreaming up scenes of wild-eyed locals chasing us down a deserted country road with pitchforks and flaming torches while the haunt trinity flees the mob while bellowing a spirited “Aweeeeeeeeeeeeel!”

Grab Bag of Oddments

Posted in Hallowblog with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 5, 2014 by bluefall8

Originally posted on Wednesday, August 27, 2008 it is hard for me to believe that this entry is nearly six years old. The 2008 haunt season was a memorable one for so many reasons and remains one of my favorites to date. I’ve always enjoyed collecting information on the upcoming haunt season and little posts such as this remain very enjoyable to craft; already I look forward to ruminations about the 2014 season.

I’ll admit that even I never expected to post an edition of Hallowblog during August; wait at least until September I told myself, you must pace yourself man! But I have so much news to share I just couldn’t bear keeping it to myself any longer.

I was at Aco Hardware a week ago and it made me smile to see that the Halloween merchandise has already arrived. It’s a testament to the growing popularity of the holiday that stores now begin stocking props and supplies a whole two months in advance. I haven’t visited any of the major retailers just yet but I did stop by Walgreen’s today and I enjoyed the entire aisle worth of Halloween items the store had to offer. I’ve also noticed that the quality of the props at the drug store chains has improved. It used to be that all the drug stores had to offer was cheap novelty items but now they’re stocked with certified animatronics and detailed foam latex dummies. Halloween enthusiasts can find some decent deals on merchandise if willing to devote a little time at the drug store scene.

I also have some new information regarding several area haunts. My fellow haunters and I have discussed hitting a few new haunts this year and Jason in particular has displayed a fondness for Pigman’s Lair which is held at the Chelsea Fairgrounds. I did a bit of digging and was disappointed to learn that Pigman’s Lair will not be operating this season.

I found an article at freep.com that lists information on area haunts and was pleased to see that the Extreme Scream in Taylor is indeed back for the ’08 season. I called the operator last season who told me the haunt would return this year and I’m happy to see that he was true to his word. In 2004 Branden, Pudge, and Disco joined me on a trip to the Extreme Scream that was quite memorable. I recall that the haunt relied heavily on long, dark hallways, an effect that was complimented well by the running sound effects. The highlight of the haunt involved a shrinking path in which one must nearly crawl through the dark only to be loaded into a small, cage-like cart that is then detached from the path and wheeled about wildly before being reconnected elsewhere. It was a good time and I look forward to visiting it this year.

This same freep.com article also listed the price of many haunts and if it’s correct then a number of them have slightly reduced rates. Erebus scaled back admission $1 matching the price of $19 featured in 2006. The Realm of Darkness has followed suit and slashed a $1 per guest as well reducing admission to $18 a ticket. I did call the Realm of Darkness and talked to someone who assured me that the show will indeed be ready to go for the Halloween season. As the undisputed top haunt last year it will be interesting to see what type of show the Realm of Darkness will put together after last winter’s flood destroyed most of the haunt. The Lab’s Myspace page has been updated and admission remains at last year’s rate of $12.

I’m checking the Fear Finder website daily, as soon as it’s available I’ll download the online version of the 2008 FF and see what’s in store for haunt enthusiasts this season.

I had an interesting experience at work today. I began a new job with the city of Lincoln Park on Monday and today I discovered the storage area for Anxiety Alley. I’ve often wondered where the city kept the modular haunt during the off season and the answer is the DPS building on Southfield next to Kentucky Fried Chicken. There’s a large open area behind the building which I don’t believe is visible anywhere from the road, I’ve never noticed it anyway. My co-worker and I were dropping off some garbage when something out the driver side window caught my eye. It was the demonic face featured on the side of Anxiety Alley. The trailers are set in a row against the tree line. Now I’m wondering if the rooms and props are haphazardously displayed in the trailers year round. I may just tempt myself into finding out.