Archive for the Deadly Intentions Category

Chaos at Deadly, Serendipitous Rain

Posted in 2009, Deadly Intentions, Hallowblog, Haunted Hollows, Review with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 20, 2015 by bluefall8

This edition of Hallowblog Flashback was originally posted Wednesday, October 14, 2009 and chronicled a most memorable night of haunting at two Michigan attractions. Deadly Intentions would go on to win the 2009 Horrorlust Monster Award and also received an honorable mention for the Horrorlust Pulse Pounder Award.

It was Bowbee’s Nightmare at Haunted Hollows, the other attraction we visited on the night in question, that actually snagged the 2009 Horrorlust Pulse Pounder Award along with the Horrorlust Eerie Vibrations Award and Horrorlust Haunt of the Year Award. The cast at Bowbee’s Nightmare also received an honorable mention for the Horrorlust Monster Award that season.

Sadly, the barn that housed Bowbee’s Nightmare burned to the ground one December morning in 2009. Haunted Hollows continued to produce various haunted attractions through 2012 but has been dark since that time. In 2011, much of the diehard cast followed Larry Black to Pontiac when Sinister haunted house ran alongside The Realm of Darkness. In 2012 and 2013 Sinister was stationed in Utica and then last year with Sinister closed Larry led the core of his crazies back to The Realm of Darkness where their storied history continued.

Like Haunted Hollows, Deadly Intentions is also no longer in operation having last run a show in 2012. On the plus side, the building that used to house Deadly Intentions is still active each October as it is now the home of The Deadland.

Try as the weather did last Friday to spoil our night of haunting the effort was as some would say, all for naught. Due to Jason’s usual lazy man shenanigans we didn’t depart from my apartment until 8:45 but we made good time and arrived at Deadly Intentions roughly half an hour later. A slight drizzle misted the air but for the chance to experience City of the Living Dead I would have braved an Indian monsoon. We did have a bit of a wait but that did nothing to diminish our spirits, our admission was paid; we had a one way ticket to a zombie infested Necropolis…I was happy.

The haunt on the whole was very well done but that was to be expected, what really impressed me was the cohesion and flow from one room to the next; the effect of a desolate city was pulled off very nicely. The trip begins in tavern complete with tables, stools, and a fully stocked bar. A visibly shaken bartender intercepted us and began rambling about dead people and infected bites, his breath smells of liquor. He was at a loss as to what he should do and when I attempted to reassure him that we could handle the situation by hurling Molotov cocktails at the zombies he grew agitated, pulled a gun on us, and demanded that we exit his bar. The whole episode put me in mind of that scene at the beginning of Resident Evil 2 when Leon seeks shelter in a gun shop only to stare down the barrel of a shot gun. It was a great scene to watch then and it was a lot of fun to experience first hand as well.

The adjacent room is adorned in the usual trappings of a bar as well: sports memorabilia and beer signs lined the wall while old school video games occupied a corner of the room to the left a bubble hockey table dared me to strike up a game. And I would have challenged one of my mates too if it weren’t for a particularly agile zombie that thrashed about the room lusting for our flesh. He pursued us out of the bar and into a room best described as the area behind the bar. Dumpsters lined the walls and again I was impressed with the creativity of the scenes. We had no time to admire such things though as the bar ghoul still hungered for our warm flesh. A female zombie emerged from the dumpsters and swiped at us viciously. The pair of undead assailants romped about the scene, rapidly dodging around our feet as we attempted to navigate the tight passageway. I must say that I very much admired their commitment to the act; they certainly were not deterred by the threat of bodily harm.

The dumpster area gave way to an alley where a zombie hobo, a dirty zombie hobo had taken up residence. He lovingly gnawed at a severed leg which must have sated his appetite for the time being because he seemed only mildly interested in the ready meal that had so freely wandered into his undead fiefdom. Much to our amusement the scene included a burning barrel and a large cardboard box which contained the half eaten remains of a grisly corpse. Behind us a zombie tussle had begun, the female ghoul from the dumpster area had followed us into the alley and she wrestled Zobo (zombie hobo) for the rights to his meaty snack. We left them to settle their differences and entered into Master Baiter’s Tackle Shop. The store front sign of course elicited a cheap laugh and the decor inside the room was well done but the disfigured heathen behind the counter did his cohorts a disservice by allowing us to traverse the store unharassed.

After exiting the store we entered a short series of alleys, home to a psychotic, bone wielding clown. He circled our party several times, violently swinging his crude weapon, smashing it against the walls. He was murderous but displayed no overt cannibalistic desires and so we passed without further incident.

The chaos continued as we did our best to navigate the ravaged cityscape, ahead we spotted a house, the light of a television flickered behind a curtained window but no refuge would be had as we were chased off by an angry homeowner. Up ahead we came across a deranged girl who seemed to have locked herself in a large cage as a means to protect herself from the undead horde. She shouted at us shrilly and demanded that we leave her alone. We noticed a TV inside the makeshift prison which was currently showing a pornographic film. Try as he might Jason could not contain the gleam of curiosity in his eyes but with a mass of flesh munchers on our trail even he could not justify lingering any longer.

We found ourselves at the front doors of a church, a bloodied nun fled from the building, her arms flailing above her head as she wailed a lament of primal terror. It was apparent from her screams that someone had done something terrible. Inside the church we found the source of all the calamity, a zombified priest stood chained to the wall. His eyes had been artfully gouged from his head and he had indeed slaughtered himself a feast, caked in blood as he was. As we passed I gave him a sporting chance at my hand and to his credit he did not disappoint, I reacted just in time and avoided the deadly chomp.

It would be Disco who would next be put to the test in this city teeming with the living dead. We had come to a choke point, the perfect place for an ambush, when an excitable butcher appeared and blocked our path. He began sniffing the air and muttered under his breath. He approached Disco, pinned him to the wall, and began sniffing him. Disco did his best to show no fear but it was clear that this creep had unnerved him. “Ohhh, I like this one,” said the butcher with a hint of thinly veiled sexual zest; Richard, Jason, and I could only laugh. The Disco however refused to squeal like a piggy and braved his way past this depraved maniac. The butcher would not be easily deterred and pursued us for some time. He was soon joined by a stocky zombie with a mangled face. The pair lumbered after us as we fled to the outskirts of the infected city. Another zombie joined their ranks and then a lunatic with chainsaw sought to sever anything that so happened to come his way. It was a frenzied atmosphere as we fled our pursuers past the city limits but just when we thought we’d escaped a zombie leaped from a ladder and made sure to hasten our exit.

For the second consecutive year Deadly Intentions delivered a fun and exciting show. I like the fact that City of the Living Dead included survivors who in the spirit of Dead Rising, had broke with reality and become hostile. The theme was awesome and lent itself nicely to some truly creative scenes, especially those at the beginning of the haunt. The actors were once more impressive in every regard displaying a level of intensity and enthusiasm unmatched anywhere else. The show was not without flaw though, for instance a heavy saturation of gore would have been appropriate with this theme. A greater commitment to continuity would have also helped to enhance the theme of the haunt. There were a few scenes that didn’t exactly play to the City of the Living Dead angle as well as others might have, for example, the girl in the cage could have been replaced by a car accident scene where hungry ghouls sucked the marrow from bones.

With that said, Deadly does deserve special recognition for it’s ability to squeeze the most out of its resources. There are no animatronics here nor are there expensive props but there are also no lengthy stretches of pitch black hallways. Deadly Intentions does employ modern lighting and sound techniques which when coupled with a nuts and bolts approach to haunting creates a hybrid between new and old, a neo old school if you will. The bottom line is that Deadly Intentions is a great haunt; it’ll be interesting to see how the brain trust continues to reinvent this rock solid attraction.

Rating: 4 1/2 stars

Our next stop was the Haunted Farm of Terror in Lenox Township but when we arrived we discovered to our great disappointment that the haunt had closed early do to rain. Perturbed, Richard and I got out of the vehicle with mischief on our minds. Richard decided that he would be justly amused if we were to make some modifications to the haunt’s sign. So it was that as we departed the phrase “open anus” blazed merrily from the signage at the Haunted Farm of Terror.

It was just past 10:30 at this time and we scrambled to find another attraction that would accept our haunt dollars. Blake’s and Slaughtered at Sundown are both located in nearby Armada but Blake’s too had closed early because of inclement weather and Slaughtered at Sundown was set to cut off ticket sales at 11:00. That left us with just one option, Haunted Hollows also in Armada. Haunted Hollows just opened last year but I’d heard some good things about it so with no other options we embarked on a short journey to the rural barn.

I was not impressed with the scene before us as we pulled into a nearly deserted and muddy parking lot. We exited the vehicle and proceeded to the ticket booth where I reluctantly handed over $15. We walked up a hill lined with cornstalks to the entrance of the barn. We were welcomed by a less than enthused Bride of Frankenstein and a guy dressed up like an old lady. After some corny dialogue from Granny Drag any hope I had for this haunt was quickly evaporating. The attraction only allowed two guests at a time so Jason and Disco entered first followed by Richard and I several minutes later. The haunt started a bit slow and I was convinced that this was going to be a short and pathetic money grab but that was the last negative thought I would have.

Bowbee’s Nightmare, as the attraction was titled, turned out to be an excellent haunt featuring innovative workers, effective props, and a truly creepy atmosphere. The attraction used no sound system which generally spells doom for a haunt because not only can music set the mood it also conveniently covers any noise hidden actors may unintentionally make. However this did not mean certain doom for Bowbee’s Nightmare quite the opposite was true, the eerie silence seemed to put us on edge and complimented the natural ambiance of the barn in a most frighteningly potent fashion.

The actors are the engine that drives Haunted Hollows and what a terrifyingly strange cast they were. The actors scored high marks on timing, make-up, and intensity but it was an unusual trait that jettisoned this brigade of creepy crawlers into haunt super stardom, the ghouls did not speak English. Many of the actors made guttural noises or menacing growls but those that did speak did so in what sounded like some sort of tribal dialect, the effect was disconcerting; the cast was very well trained. A noteworthy few included a skinny clown who displayed his improvisational skills by mimicking the circus tune that Richard began to sing when the wicked harlequin first assailed us; he bobbed his head from side to side and bounded about with gleeful madness. On the next floor a meaty female built like a bull dog burst from a refrigerator and growled menacingly. Her face was a mass of decay, a large boil protruded from her left cheek; she was a monstrosity to behold.

Richard and I caught up to Jason and Disco at the back end of the haunt and with juvenile delight I did my utmost to make Disco sully his draws. We had a hearty laugh but all the bustle alerted a hunchbacked ghoul to our presence. He was similar in stock to the Bull Dog Woman; I wondered what hideous spawns the pair might produce. The creature possessed surprising agility, leaping from a crouched position he gnashed at our faces. We escaped into the darkness but our reprieve was brief as a pair of nightmarish dames appeared as if born from shadow. One of them had long, blond hair and an appealing figure but even Jason’s perversion was swayed by the blood dripping from her mouth, a mouth lined with razor sharp teeth. She would reappear several times as we navigated the labyrinthine structure. Sometimes she would dart ahead of us and peek around corners and at others here presence was only made known to us by the haunting lament she seemed to enjoy singing, a bizarre combination that sounded like a cross between hiccups and strangled nursery rhymes. She appeared atop a staircase once we’d exited the haunt where she serenely hummed that strange dirge. She even pursued us to the parking lot and when goaded she approached our vehicle and snapped her teeth at my camera; now that’s dedication.

Bowbee’s Nightmare puts to great use an army of props, dummies, and mannequins; the likes of which were among the creepiest we’ve ever witnessed. This barrage of bodies kept our heads on a constant swivel, forever guessing where the next attack would come from. And all of this paid off wonderfully with one well placed actor. At the end of a small passageway a large doll sat atop a dresser limp and lifeless. Her white, expressionless face was in contrast to the black pig tails that fell on either side of her head. Suddenly, just as we were about to turn the corner she rocked forward and simpered darkly. When the gag was run on Jason and Disco, Richard and I could hear their shocked surprise several rooms away.

The haunt also featured a couple of false endings, one in the form of a very tight “Womb of Doom” and the other a fun vortex tunnel in which we snapped a memorable picture. Haunted Hollows also featured one very effective animatronic, an enormous Frankenstein that sprung to life with violent spasms caused by jolts of ear splitting electricity. A lot of haunts have animatronics in spades nowadays but the use of just one went a long way at the deathly quiet Bowbee’s Nightmare. The ending of the haunt was also memorable, after being led by some sort of garbling ghoul Bowbee himself was roused and chased us into a narrow, wooden choke point with the aid of a trusty chainsaw. Before we could race to the end of the passage a second abomination, Bowbee’s apprentice I presumed, forced us backward with a chainsaw of his own. It was a fun, wild end as the two disgruntled freaks pushed the four of us closer together with every swipe of the buzzing chainsaws.

Haunted Hollows’ Bowbee’s Nightmare succeeds by focuses on the fundamentals of haunting and in doing so delivered a unique and ultra creepy experience. The barn itself becomes a character and left us feeling as Disco quipped, feeling as if we’d just had a spell with the mutants from The People Under the Stairs. The barn has the feel of a B-rate slasher flick and that’s a compliment; this place will creep you out.

Rating: 5 stars

Erebus, The Realm of Darkness & Deadly Intentions Electrify Halloween Night

Posted in 2008, Deadly Intentions, Erebus, Hallowblog, Realm of Darkness, Review with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2014 by bluefall8

This historic post was originally published on Monday, November 3, 2008 and chronicled a momentous, Halloween visit to three prominent Michigan haunted attractions — Erebus and The Realm of Darkness in Pontiac and Deadly Intention in Warren.

This was the only night in all of our years of haunting that I decided to bring a hand-held tape recorder along to document some of the fun. In addition to reviews this post also included a timeline of events throughout the night and a series of humorous quotes lifted straight from the recording. It was a fun idea and a great tool to supplement the written notes I jot down at every attraction we tour; I’m not sure why I haven’t made it a standard practice.  

If I were to compile a list of our top ten most memorable nights of haunting, October 31, 2008 would surely crack the countdown.

It was Halloween night, my faced smeared as a deranged harlequin, the Haunt Trinity set off into the ink black night with much haunting to be done. Jerry joined us on this landmark occasion, a night that took us from Lincoln Park to Warren to Pontiac and back. Our first stop was Deadly Intentions a haunt none of us had previously visited.

There is nothing impressive about the location, held in what appears to be a former grocery store surrounded by a maligned urban sector Deadly Intentions’ local atmosphere won’t win any awards or attract thriving crowds but if you’re deterred by misleading appearances an excellent haunt you are sure to miss.

Deadly Intentions considers this no frills approach a badge of honor and wastes no time smacking guests in the face with a smash mouth, old school approach to haunting. Guests initially traverse a long, dark hallway before entering a room made to resemble the waiting area of a prison thus establishing the haunt’s theme. There is a desk, a security monitor, and a frightening guard who orders guests to sign-in. After doing so he throws back the prison gate and shuts it behind you. Deadly Intentions does what successful, old school haunts do: deliver knock out shows by using pitch black passages and intense actors; everything is well timed and no detail is over looked. We were entertained by a clown who rides a mobile section of wall, propositioned by a female inmate who wanted to play a macabre game involving our intestines, and lured into a room where we were surrounded by a half dozen ghouls who taunted us with chants of “little piggies.”

Later guests come upon a structure set behind mesh wire fencing; a man wearing an orange jumpsuit emerges and with outstretched arms pleads for help. His eyes have been gouged out and despite briefly pursuing the ole Disco and I there was no help for this sorry bastard. Next guests wind their way through a series of prison scenes where lunatics burst forth from holding cells while maniacs send sparks flying your way. A girl pleads for your help from above but a raging night watchman violently brandishes a baton and forces haunters into the next room which contains a casket. As guests approach the casket and the body it holds the opposite wall, made to resemble a morgue, collapses inward forcing patrons closer to the dead head in the coffin. As you exit this room a mad man with a pistol surprises haunters with a loud blast and offers some parting insults as you leave.

Deadly Intentions puts forth a great effort without the aid of expensive animatronics or other flashy effects. The fundamentals of haunting are put to good use here and that application of classic techniques results in an excellent haunting experience.

Rating: 4 1/2 stars

Next on our list of haunts was the formidable Realm of Darkness, the home of the mysterious and elusive wizard. In 2007 the Haunt Trinity tabbed ROD as the Haunt of the Year but last January the haunt experienced a flood that destroyed the vast majority of props and sets. This event forced the brains behind the operation to build the show anew and that fact intrigued each member of the Haunt Trinity.

On our way from Warren to Pontiac we decided to place a call to the infamous B. Mo with the sole intent to mock and ridicule him. No doubt inebriated in some distant podunk corner of Owosso he failed to answer his phone and thus he was left the following voice mail:

“B. Mo, B. Mizzemo, River Rat Morrison, Devil Douche! Listen up, it’s the Haunt Trinity calling you. We’re out crusin’ the streets, cruisin’ Michigan tonight. We hit Deadly Intentions in Warren, next Realm of Darkness in Pontiac and the twin terror Erebus. Eh, if you wanna join us man, if you get this message within the hour we got good news man. Erebus, we called, guess what? They take the EBT card. That’s right, cash, credit, EBT that’s their new slogan there. So it’s B. Mo ready if you wanna show up, you can come on down to Erebus and ugh, you know afterward we can stop at the local liquor store if you’re hungry, I don’t know if Big Boy is on the EBT bandwagon yet or what. Alright B. Mizzemo you give me a call back palzee. I know you’ll probably disregard this message and say whatever (clicking noise) don’t bother me I’ll just roll up a j and smoke it. But you gots to call B. Mo and let us know what the Fright Train was like and what you spent your Halloween doing.”

A short time later Branden would return the call and in his drunken state he truly believed that Erebus was accepting EBT cards as payment. I talked to him for several minutes before we entered Pontiac and after a few ill advised turns by Jason we came to the home of the wizard, The Realm of Darkness.

Like last year we entered the building and made our way across a draw bridge and then into the lobby of the castle. In the lobby guests watch a video explaining the history of the land, the rise of a tyrannical wizard, and the madness into which the towns people descended. Next, we made our way through a hallway and then into a second lobby. This second room is the last stop before entering the heart of The Realm and this year it was crawling with hooded druids. The druids were handing each group a gem, the tokens usually collected throughout the mysterious Realm via games of chance; each gem allows your party a chance to unlock the door to the wizard’s chamber. A druid presented our party with a gem and I seized the opportunity to indulge this character in this wonderful fantasy. “Do you know the wizard,” I asked. “Yes, I know him,” answered the druid calmly. “I have a message for him. Will you deliver this message,” I asked. “Yes,” responded the druid. “You tell the wizard that we’re coming for that ass. He’s gonna pay what he owes.” I couldn’t tell you what went through this man’s head but to his great credit he didn’t miss a beat staying completely in character. After a brief pause to consider my request he responded, “I like your style. Here take this and tell no one. This is a special gem.” I couldn’t believe it. My nonsensical tomfoolery had just gained us an extra shot at the wizard, I told the group that this was surely a good omen.

Shortly after we crossed the threshold and began our quest to conquer the wizard in earnest. The first encounter on our path was with a rather chunky ghoul who demanded that one of us read from a book that sat open upon a desk. The room was dark and it was difficult to read the text but this ghoul was persistent so I decided to do a little improvisation, “He dropped his pants and grabbed his ankles,” I read as my cohorts burst into laughter and then as if innocent I looked up from the book and asked, “What the hell is this?” The ghoul broke character and looked at the text and asked, “Where does it say that?” We all had a hardly laugh before she regained her composure and ordered us into the next room. Once there a male ghoul dressed as a waiter greeted us and then insulted my make up stating that I looked “like an idiot.” The female ghoul from the previous room had apparently followed us into the room and she took issue with the comment stating, “I think he’s pretty cute.” I wasn’t sure if any of this was part of either of their acts and when I looked at Jason he had this “Hey-if-she-wants-it-man” expression on his face. I was starting to believe that maybe the theory he first put forth over a year ago at The Haunting in Adrian had some merit after all. The horny ghoul departed with a creepy smile and the waiter displayed to us a macabre feast before leading us to a staircase at the end of the room. Before any of us could begin our ascent he tossed aside the stairs which collapsed out of sight revealing a secret passage way. It was a neat trick that I’ve never witnessed any where else.

We continued our trek through the shadowy corners of ROD experiencing a blend of familiar scenes and unknown horrors. In one room a deranged executioner straggled a hapless victim and then taunted us for being “cocky” and “just like the rest.” He told us that we’d end up in his dungeon when his boss, the wizard, was through with us. We also traversed an elaborate crypt the keeper of which went nose-to-nose with me for a solid thirty seconds or more, I admired that worker’s commitment. ROD also features a cave complete with running water, a scene that truly makes you feel as if you’re underground. New this year was a sheet room similar to what we saw at the Homer Mill and there was also a weaving pathway in which the walls were completely mirrors. A deadly jester stalked the reflected path but what was actually the scariest moment of this sequence was repeatedly mistaking my own appearance for that of a monster due to my aforementioned make up.

We were unsuccessful in what turned out to be our lone game of chance, in 2006 and 2007 ROD featured three such games; this point would be much lamented when we realized that we’d come to the end of the haunt. Winding our way toward the end of the treacherous realm we encountered a curvy ghoul who snarled at us while gyrating her body against a wall in a rather lewd fashion, I was sure I saw a triumphant gleam in Jason’s eyes. Further down the path we were ambushed by the most effective animatronics we’d witnessed all haunt season. A pair of large, growling dogs leapt from the ground and landed on a table to our right. The resulting clang was very loud and gave all of us a good scare. Shortly thereafter we spotted the cursed pirate ship that we had heard tell of and soon found ourselves waiting in line for our chance at the wizard. Once we had submitted our gems we waited briefly and were then told to proceed through the door before us and then up the staircase to the left. This had not happened last year or the year before that and as we ascended the staircase we prepared ourselves with a final showdown with the wizard. A short walk down a hallway to a descending path of stairs robbed us of all hope though, we were entering the bowels of the pirate ship which led to the haunt’s exit. The wizard had slipped through our grasp once more.

Despite our disappointment at yet another defeat at the hands of the wizard we had to admit that The Realm of Darkness had delivered a great show once more. No, it didn’t quite live up to its Haunt of the Year status of 2007 but it was close. What hurt the haunt this year was our growing familiarity with its structure as well as the reduction in the games of chance and the overall length of the attraction. Despite all of this it remains one of the finest haunts that we’ve visited and if you’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing ROD it should be on your short list of must see haunts. Few attractions have such an attention to detail, here you’ll forget you’re in a haunted attraction at times because the atmosphere is that emmersive. The chainsaw man at the end of the haunt deserves special note as well. While in line I watched this guy chase group after group straight into the parking lot at top speed.

Rating: 4 3/4 stars

We had arrived at our final destination, the last scream of the 2008 haunt season, the goliath of down town Pontiac: Erebus. In 2006 the four story monster edifice was the unquestioned king of the season and as we approached its towering walls the streets were thronged with revelers and freaks alike. This was my third trip to Erebus and it was going to be unique, not just for me, but for you readers of Hallowblog as well. This trip through the depths of Erebus was to be like none other because it was to be documented in the first live walkthrough in Haunt Trinity history.

The brains behind the scenes at Erebus continue with the premise that the haunt is merely a front, a lie created by the mad scientist who uses the building for time travel experiments. By advertising the place as a haunted attraction this lunatic is able to lure in unsuspecting victims who are shortly transported through time and space. It’s a fun theme if not a bit worn but the operators here do not fail to send visitors through a bizarre and eerie assortment of scenes from a Jurassic period jungle to a dank Middle Ages dungeon to a modern day cemetery.

Although the haunt is largely the same show that visitors enjoyed in 2007 several changes helped to mix up the overall dynamics. A handful of rooms stripped away the monstrous animatronics and elaborate props in favor of a more traditional feel. The change of pace showed off the versatility that Erebus is capable of and something I’d like to see the haunt continue to do in the future. The best example of this occurred in what we came to call the zombie room. Guests enter an ordinary looking living room well ordinary save for the corpse that a lustful zombie is devouring. The undead menace chases guests into a long closet full of swaying clothes and shadowed ghouls. Also of note in this vein are the compact, boarded corridors that force haunters to crouch as they move forward. I especially enjoy the bright lights that bleed through the cracks in the floor creating a disorienting effect.

Erebus was a lot of fun this year certainly better than last year although not quite as thrilling as the 2006 showcase. Make no mistake, Erebus is a unique haunt and that fact is not due to its sheer size alone. Erebus is a mad house, a funhouse on crack, a haunted house jacked on anabolic steriods. If you’ve never experienced Erebus you are doing your haunting experience a huge disservice. The staff here deserves a lot of credit for crowd control as well. It drives me nuts whenever my group runs into other haunters because somebody is usually going to get screwed out of certain surprises and with such a massive crowd at Erebus it’s bound to happen at times. Erebus has a system of periodic seperation that works pretty well and although the occassional run in does occur it’s not as magnified as it might be at other haunts because Erebus does such a great job putting on a macabre circus. My only complaint applies to the relative similiarity of the haunt from year to year; a major shake up would be welcome in my eyes.

Rating: 4 1/2 stars

And with that we close out the 2008 haunt season, a memorable odyssey full of fright, mystery, and laughter. This season the Haunt Trinity visited more haunts than in any past year something we’ll look to due yet again next year. So raise your glass as yet another era passes because here we are once more at hallow’s end.

A Halloween Timeline

7:31-The Haunt Trinity follows Southfield to east bound I-94 en route to Deadly Intentions in Warren.

7:42-The highs and lows of the 2008 haunt season discussed.

7:54-We arrive at Deadly Intentions and are slightly surprised by the depressing locale.

8:44-Back in the car following our trek through Deadly Intentions none of us give a damn about the shady atmosphere any longer.

8:49-As we find our way back to the expressway it is agreed that Deadly Intentions was a riot of a haunt.

9:02-While on our way to The Realm of Darkness in Pontiac we amuse ourselves with a prank call to Branden, he fails to answer his phone which resulted in an amusing voice mail.

9:07-A loud and drunken B. Mo returns my call and offers his insights on the economy and Halloween.

9:20-Jason takes unintended detours through Pontiac while seeking The Realm of Darkness.

9:30-We arrive at the home of the evil wizard and hope to avenge our previous failures.

10:57-We emerge from The Realm of Darkness defeated once again, we were however thoroughly entertained.

11:34-While we wait in the front lobby of Erebus we discuss Haunt of the Year contenders.

12:00-Awaiting entrance into the scanning chamber.

12:07-Released from the chamber we enter the heart of the haunted edifice.

12:30-We escape the horror of the monster Erebus, Jason attempts to corral the Chain Man.

12:35-In the car we discuss the merits of Erebus pausing briefly to taunt the Chain Man before leaving Pontiac.

1:20-We stop at an all night diner on Southfield in Lincoln Park. Our waitress gives us free food, flirts shamelessly, nearly pours water on Jerry’s head, and admits to drinking at work. My food was delicious.

2:20-While departing the diner Jason insists that the waitress has flashed us. We give our final thoughts on the season and head home exhausted.

The Best of Hallowblog Live

“Didn’t they have an alligator guy come on and go chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp…chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp?”

“Where…wha? I don’t remember that.”

-My bemused reply to Jason when he made a bizarre remark about an alligator man that nobody else seemed to remember.

“If I’d of known that two weeks ago I’d of been there for sure.”

-Branden via cell phone after I’d convinced him that Erebus was accepting Bridge cards as a form of payment.

“Well remind me next year and maybe I’ll pack a fuckin’ sandwich.”

-Jason’s retort after I insisted that The Realm of Darkness takes 30-45 minutes to traverse.

“Did they give everyone a special gem in the beginning?”

“Nah man, it was my wit that got us that gem.”

-Me, clarifying for Jason, the origin of our special gem.

“Whoa look out here! A mega T-Rex comin’ at ya! OH GOD! IT’S BITING MY LEG! It’s knocking me over! Oh my God! It nearly took out me and Jerry! Jason’s been knocked down by it! HE’S HEADBUTTING IT! JASON’S HEADBUTTING THE T-REX!!!

-Me, while in Erebus, thoroughly entertaining myself with the running commentary for Hallowblog Live.

Farewell Tour Fizzles at Deadly Intentions

Posted in 2012, Deadly Intentions, Review with tags , , , on October 16, 2012 by bluefall8

It was with more than a little excitement that John and I set off for Deadly Intentions last Friday. As this season does indeed mark the final chapter of the vaunted haunt, we were anticipating the same kind of intense show that first delighted us on Halloween 2008 and then once more with an apocalyptic zombie wasteland in 2009. In each of those years the cast at Deadly Intentions earned our Monster award for best actors. Unfortunately, our latest trip didn’t yield similar results and to suggest otherwise would be to insult Deadly Intentions’ storied past. It’s important to temper that previous statement with the following: we did not witness a poor haunted attraction, it was merely average and we simply expected more.

One of the primary features at Deadly Intentions that has always stood out to me is the long, laser and fog filled hallway through which haunters first embark. The hallway is a throwback to a simpler era of haunting. Visibility is low, it’s a bit disorienting, and it’s as if a sense of foreboding seeps from the very walls — this is what we call old school. A hatchet wielding harlequin followed us through fog and shadow before darting off. We ran into the smiling fiend once more shortly later and he proceeded to mislead us through a small maze. When his fun was at an end he delivered a flying kick to a portion of wall to our left, revealing it to be a door. I found the leaping kick to be quite impressive under such conditions. We came across a number of enjoyable characters along the way, those we affectionately referred to as Bone Girl, Toilet Guy, Dinner Man, Phantom Ghoul, and the Tall Man — but they were merely enjoyable. No one stole the show or left a truly lasting impression. We were made to crawl and squeal like pigs by Bone Girl which was fun but even the best bits of interaction and improvisation left much to be desired and were slightly above average at best.

The hallways that weren’t concealed by darkness were nicely detailed as were the various scenes that populated the attraction but everything was entirely too familiar and not particularly memorable. A number of the rooms were scarcely different than they were last year when the Deadland ran at this location. In at least one instance there was even a character who appeared last season, only a different actor played the part. It was distracting and the performance came across as flat in comparison.

The final chapter of Deadly Intentions is not a bad haunted attraction, in fact we enjoyed it on the whole, but it does fall well short of its’ former glory. The smash mouth intensity that allowed Deadly Intentions to carve out a niche in the Detroit haunt scene is now absent. Furthermore, the haunted house is a bit on the short side but this in many respects may be beyond the control of the operators and that is all the more reason to make sure that other aspects of the attraction are as strong as possible. The conclusion in particular is in need of improvement as it occurs abruptly and without much suspense or excitement. Despite my relative disappointment I’ll be sad to see Deadly Intentions fade to black because for the better part of the last decade the minds behind the madness have done haunting right. The folks in charge of the Deadland will take control in earnest at this location next season. I hope they’re able to recreate some of the magic Deadly Intentions provided over the years and stir up a little of their own as well.

Rating: 3 stars

We departed Warren in the Discomobile debating whether or not we’d return to one of Deadly Intentions’ Adult Nights. We’ve been curious about this particular event for a couple of years now but the increased admission ($22 this season) and more importantly the desire to hit as many haunts as possible has kept us from taking it in. We remain undecided but the promise of half naked women inside of a haunted house is a tempting prospect.