Archive for the 2008 Category

Erebus, The Realm of Darkness & Deadly Intentions Electrify Halloween Night

Posted in 2008, Deadly Intentions, Erebus, Hallowblog, Realm of Darkness, Review with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2014 by bluefall8

This historic post was originally published on Monday, November 3, 2008 and chronicled a momentous, Halloween visit to three prominent Michigan haunted attractions — Erebus and The Realm of Darkness in Pontiac and Deadly Intention in Warren.

This was the only night in all of our years of haunting that I decided to bring a hand-held tape recorder along to document some of the fun. In addition to reviews this post also included a timeline of events throughout the night and a series of humorous quotes lifted straight from the recording. It was a fun idea and a great tool to supplement the written notes I jot down at every attraction we tour; I’m not sure why I haven’t made it a standard practice.  

If I were to compile a list of our top ten most memorable nights of haunting, October 31, 2008 would surely crack the countdown.

It was Halloween night, my faced smeared as a deranged harlequin, the Haunt Trinity set off into the ink black night with much haunting to be done. Jerry joined us on this landmark occasion, a night that took us from Lincoln Park to Warren to Pontiac and back. Our first stop was Deadly Intentions a haunt none of us had previously visited.

There is nothing impressive about the location, held in what appears to be a former grocery store surrounded by a maligned urban sector Deadly Intentions’ local atmosphere won’t win any awards or attract thriving crowds but if you’re deterred by misleading appearances an excellent haunt you are sure to miss.

Deadly Intentions considers this no frills approach a badge of honor and wastes no time smacking guests in the face with a smash mouth, old school approach to haunting. Guests initially traverse a long, dark hallway before entering a room made to resemble the waiting area of a prison thus establishing the haunt’s theme. There is a desk, a security monitor, and a frightening guard who orders guests to sign-in. After doing so he throws back the prison gate and shuts it behind you. Deadly Intentions does what successful, old school haunts do: deliver knock out shows by using pitch black passages and intense actors; everything is well timed and no detail is over looked. We were entertained by a clown who rides a mobile section of wall, propositioned by a female inmate who wanted to play a macabre game involving our intestines, and lured into a room where we were surrounded by a half dozen ghouls who taunted us with chants of “little piggies.”

Later guests come upon a structure set behind mesh wire fencing; a man wearing an orange jumpsuit emerges and with outstretched arms pleads for help. His eyes have been gouged out and despite briefly pursuing the ole Disco and I there was no help for this sorry bastard. Next guests wind their way through a series of prison scenes where lunatics burst forth from holding cells while maniacs send sparks flying your way. A girl pleads for your help from above but a raging night watchman violently brandishes a baton and forces haunters into the next room which contains a casket. As guests approach the casket and the body it holds the opposite wall, made to resemble a morgue, collapses inward forcing patrons closer to the dead head in the coffin. As you exit this room a mad man with a pistol surprises haunters with a loud blast and offers some parting insults as you leave.

Deadly Intentions puts forth a great effort without the aid of expensive animatronics or other flashy effects. The fundamentals of haunting are put to good use here and that application of classic techniques results in an excellent haunting experience.

Rating: 4 1/2 stars

Next on our list of haunts was the formidable Realm of Darkness, the home of the mysterious and elusive wizard. In 2007 the Haunt Trinity tabbed ROD as the Haunt of the Year but last January the haunt experienced a flood that destroyed the vast majority of props and sets. This event forced the brains behind the operation to build the show anew and that fact intrigued each member of the Haunt Trinity.

On our way from Warren to Pontiac we decided to place a call to the infamous B. Mo with the sole intent to mock and ridicule him. No doubt inebriated in some distant podunk corner of Owosso he failed to answer his phone and thus he was left the following voice mail:

“B. Mo, B. Mizzemo, River Rat Morrison, Devil Douche! Listen up, it’s the Haunt Trinity calling you. We’re out crusin’ the streets, cruisin’ Michigan tonight. We hit Deadly Intentions in Warren, next Realm of Darkness in Pontiac and the twin terror Erebus. Eh, if you wanna join us man, if you get this message within the hour we got good news man. Erebus, we called, guess what? They take the EBT card. That’s right, cash, credit, EBT that’s their new slogan there. So it’s B. Mo ready if you wanna show up, you can come on down to Erebus and ugh, you know afterward we can stop at the local liquor store if you’re hungry, I don’t know if Big Boy is on the EBT bandwagon yet or what. Alright B. Mizzemo you give me a call back palzee. I know you’ll probably disregard this message and say whatever (clicking noise) don’t bother me I’ll just roll up a j and smoke it. But you gots to call B. Mo and let us know what the Fright Train was like and what you spent your Halloween doing.”

A short time later Branden would return the call and in his drunken state he truly believed that Erebus was accepting EBT cards as payment. I talked to him for several minutes before we entered Pontiac and after a few ill advised turns by Jason we came to the home of the wizard, The Realm of Darkness.

Like last year we entered the building and made our way across a draw bridge and then into the lobby of the castle. In the lobby guests watch a video explaining the history of the land, the rise of a tyrannical wizard, and the madness into which the towns people descended. Next, we made our way through a hallway and then into a second lobby. This second room is the last stop before entering the heart of The Realm and this year it was crawling with hooded druids. The druids were handing each group a gem, the tokens usually collected throughout the mysterious Realm via games of chance; each gem allows your party a chance to unlock the door to the wizard’s chamber. A druid presented our party with a gem and I seized the opportunity to indulge this character in this wonderful fantasy. “Do you know the wizard,” I asked. “Yes, I know him,” answered the druid calmly. “I have a message for him. Will you deliver this message,” I asked. “Yes,” responded the druid. “You tell the wizard that we’re coming for that ass. He’s gonna pay what he owes.” I couldn’t tell you what went through this man’s head but to his great credit he didn’t miss a beat staying completely in character. After a brief pause to consider my request he responded, “I like your style. Here take this and tell no one. This is a special gem.” I couldn’t believe it. My nonsensical tomfoolery had just gained us an extra shot at the wizard, I told the group that this was surely a good omen.

Shortly after we crossed the threshold and began our quest to conquer the wizard in earnest. The first encounter on our path was with a rather chunky ghoul who demanded that one of us read from a book that sat open upon a desk. The room was dark and it was difficult to read the text but this ghoul was persistent so I decided to do a little improvisation, “He dropped his pants and grabbed his ankles,” I read as my cohorts burst into laughter and then as if innocent I looked up from the book and asked, “What the hell is this?” The ghoul broke character and looked at the text and asked, “Where does it say that?” We all had a hardly laugh before she regained her composure and ordered us into the next room. Once there a male ghoul dressed as a waiter greeted us and then insulted my make up stating that I looked “like an idiot.” The female ghoul from the previous room had apparently followed us into the room and she took issue with the comment stating, “I think he’s pretty cute.” I wasn’t sure if any of this was part of either of their acts and when I looked at Jason he had this “Hey-if-she-wants-it-man” expression on his face. I was starting to believe that maybe the theory he first put forth over a year ago at The Haunting in Adrian had some merit after all. The horny ghoul departed with a creepy smile and the waiter displayed to us a macabre feast before leading us to a staircase at the end of the room. Before any of us could begin our ascent he tossed aside the stairs which collapsed out of sight revealing a secret passage way. It was a neat trick that I’ve never witnessed any where else.

We continued our trek through the shadowy corners of ROD experiencing a blend of familiar scenes and unknown horrors. In one room a deranged executioner straggled a hapless victim and then taunted us for being “cocky” and “just like the rest.” He told us that we’d end up in his dungeon when his boss, the wizard, was through with us. We also traversed an elaborate crypt the keeper of which went nose-to-nose with me for a solid thirty seconds or more, I admired that worker’s commitment. ROD also features a cave complete with running water, a scene that truly makes you feel as if you’re underground. New this year was a sheet room similar to what we saw at the Homer Mill and there was also a weaving pathway in which the walls were completely mirrors. A deadly jester stalked the reflected path but what was actually the scariest moment of this sequence was repeatedly mistaking my own appearance for that of a monster due to my aforementioned make up.

We were unsuccessful in what turned out to be our lone game of chance, in 2006 and 2007 ROD featured three such games; this point would be much lamented when we realized that we’d come to the end of the haunt. Winding our way toward the end of the treacherous realm we encountered a curvy ghoul who snarled at us while gyrating her body against a wall in a rather lewd fashion, I was sure I saw a triumphant gleam in Jason’s eyes. Further down the path we were ambushed by the most effective animatronics we’d witnessed all haunt season. A pair of large, growling dogs leapt from the ground and landed on a table to our right. The resulting clang was very loud and gave all of us a good scare. Shortly thereafter we spotted the cursed pirate ship that we had heard tell of and soon found ourselves waiting in line for our chance at the wizard. Once we had submitted our gems we waited briefly and were then told to proceed through the door before us and then up the staircase to the left. This had not happened last year or the year before that and as we ascended the staircase we prepared ourselves with a final showdown with the wizard. A short walk down a hallway to a descending path of stairs robbed us of all hope though, we were entering the bowels of the pirate ship which led to the haunt’s exit. The wizard had slipped through our grasp once more.

Despite our disappointment at yet another defeat at the hands of the wizard we had to admit that The Realm of Darkness had delivered a great show once more. No, it didn’t quite live up to its Haunt of the Year status of 2007 but it was close. What hurt the haunt this year was our growing familiarity with its structure as well as the reduction in the games of chance and the overall length of the attraction. Despite all of this it remains one of the finest haunts that we’ve visited and if you’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing ROD it should be on your short list of must see haunts. Few attractions have such an attention to detail, here you’ll forget you’re in a haunted attraction at times because the atmosphere is that emmersive. The chainsaw man at the end of the haunt deserves special note as well. While in line I watched this guy chase group after group straight into the parking lot at top speed.

Rating: 4 3/4 stars

We had arrived at our final destination, the last scream of the 2008 haunt season, the goliath of down town Pontiac: Erebus. In 2006 the four story monster edifice was the unquestioned king of the season and as we approached its towering walls the streets were thronged with revelers and freaks alike. This was my third trip to Erebus and it was going to be unique, not just for me, but for you readers of Hallowblog as well. This trip through the depths of Erebus was to be like none other because it was to be documented in the first live walkthrough in Haunt Trinity history.

The brains behind the scenes at Erebus continue with the premise that the haunt is merely a front, a lie created by the mad scientist who uses the building for time travel experiments. By advertising the place as a haunted attraction this lunatic is able to lure in unsuspecting victims who are shortly transported through time and space. It’s a fun theme if not a bit worn but the operators here do not fail to send visitors through a bizarre and eerie assortment of scenes from a Jurassic period jungle to a dank Middle Ages dungeon to a modern day cemetery.

Although the haunt is largely the same show that visitors enjoyed in 2007 several changes helped to mix up the overall dynamics. A handful of rooms stripped away the monstrous animatronics and elaborate props in favor of a more traditional feel. The change of pace showed off the versatility that Erebus is capable of and something I’d like to see the haunt continue to do in the future. The best example of this occurred in what we came to call the zombie room. Guests enter an ordinary looking living room well ordinary save for the corpse that a lustful zombie is devouring. The undead menace chases guests into a long closet full of swaying clothes and shadowed ghouls. Also of note in this vein are the compact, boarded corridors that force haunters to crouch as they move forward. I especially enjoy the bright lights that bleed through the cracks in the floor creating a disorienting effect.

Erebus was a lot of fun this year certainly better than last year although not quite as thrilling as the 2006 showcase. Make no mistake, Erebus is a unique haunt and that fact is not due to its sheer size alone. Erebus is a mad house, a funhouse on crack, a haunted house jacked on anabolic steriods. If you’ve never experienced Erebus you are doing your haunting experience a huge disservice. The staff here deserves a lot of credit for crowd control as well. It drives me nuts whenever my group runs into other haunters because somebody is usually going to get screwed out of certain surprises and with such a massive crowd at Erebus it’s bound to happen at times. Erebus has a system of periodic seperation that works pretty well and although the occassional run in does occur it’s not as magnified as it might be at other haunts because Erebus does such a great job putting on a macabre circus. My only complaint applies to the relative similiarity of the haunt from year to year; a major shake up would be welcome in my eyes.

Rating: 4 1/2 stars

And with that we close out the 2008 haunt season, a memorable odyssey full of fright, mystery, and laughter. This season the Haunt Trinity visited more haunts than in any past year something we’ll look to due yet again next year. So raise your glass as yet another era passes because here we are once more at hallow’s end.

A Halloween Timeline

7:31-The Haunt Trinity follows Southfield to east bound I-94 en route to Deadly Intentions in Warren.

7:42-The highs and lows of the 2008 haunt season discussed.

7:54-We arrive at Deadly Intentions and are slightly surprised by the depressing locale.

8:44-Back in the car following our trek through Deadly Intentions none of us give a damn about the shady atmosphere any longer.

8:49-As we find our way back to the expressway it is agreed that Deadly Intentions was a riot of a haunt.

9:02-While on our way to The Realm of Darkness in Pontiac we amuse ourselves with a prank call to Branden, he fails to answer his phone which resulted in an amusing voice mail.

9:07-A loud and drunken B. Mo returns my call and offers his insights on the economy and Halloween.

9:20-Jason takes unintended detours through Pontiac while seeking The Realm of Darkness.

9:30-We arrive at the home of the evil wizard and hope to avenge our previous failures.

10:57-We emerge from The Realm of Darkness defeated once again, we were however thoroughly entertained.

11:34-While we wait in the front lobby of Erebus we discuss Haunt of the Year contenders.

12:00-Awaiting entrance into the scanning chamber.

12:07-Released from the chamber we enter the heart of the haunted edifice.

12:30-We escape the horror of the monster Erebus, Jason attempts to corral the Chain Man.

12:35-In the car we discuss the merits of Erebus pausing briefly to taunt the Chain Man before leaving Pontiac.

1:20-We stop at an all night diner on Southfield in Lincoln Park. Our waitress gives us free food, flirts shamelessly, nearly pours water on Jerry’s head, and admits to drinking at work. My food was delicious.

2:20-While departing the diner Jason insists that the waitress has flashed us. We give our final thoughts on the season and head home exhausted.

The Best of Hallowblog Live

“Didn’t they have an alligator guy come on and go chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp…chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp?”

“Where…wha? I don’t remember that.”

-My bemused reply to Jason when he made a bizarre remark about an alligator man that nobody else seemed to remember.

“If I’d of known that two weeks ago I’d of been there for sure.”

-Branden via cell phone after I’d convinced him that Erebus was accepting Bridge cards as a form of payment.

“Well remind me next year and maybe I’ll pack a fuckin’ sandwich.”

-Jason’s retort after I insisted that The Realm of Darkness takes 30-45 minutes to traverse.

“Did they give everyone a special gem in the beginning?”

“Nah man, it was my wit that got us that gem.”

-Me, clarifying for Jason, the origin of our special gem.

“Whoa look out here! A mega T-Rex comin’ at ya! OH GOD! IT’S BITING MY LEG! It’s knocking me over! Oh my God! It nearly took out me and Jerry! Jason’s been knocked down by it! HE’S HEADBUTTING IT! JASON’S HEADBUTTING THE T-REX!!!

-Me, while in Erebus, thoroughly entertaining myself with the running commentary for Hallowblog Live.

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Terror Town, Barn of Blood Highlight Weekend of Haunting

Posted in 2008, Barn of Blood, Hallowblog, Review, Terror Town with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2014 by bluefall8

This review was originally posted on Tuesday, October 28, 2008; it details one memorable weekend from late October 2008. It was that fall that we first visited Terror Town in Maumee, Ohio and experienced House of the Dead.

I have often considered compiling a list of my top five or ten most memorable haunted attractions and without hesitation I can say that our maiden voyage through the dank, rotting depths of Terror Town’s House of the Dead would easily make any such list. House of the Dead went on to become Horrorlust’s Haunt of the Year in 2008.

The following day, my wife and I went to Apple Charlie’s in New Boston which packed a lot of haunt goodness into a very small amount of time and space. I need more weekends like this magical ride now six years past. 

The last weekend prior to Halloween was a big one for the Haunt Trinity. On Saturday, October 25 we were once again joined by Cherette for a trip to TerrorTown in Maumee, Ohio. Then on Sunday Missy and I visited Apple Charlie’s in New Boston where for just $5 I entered the Barn of Blood. It was quite a whirlwind weekend of haunting and that’s just the way I like it.

I’ve longed to visit TerrorTown for several seasons now but until this year we had never made time for this particular haunt. Mayor Wormface had beckoned to me from the pages of the Fear Finder on many occasions and it was time to take him up on his delightfully dreadful offer.

TerrorTown features four attractions: The Freak Show, Slaughter House, The Beast, and House of the Dead. After buying our tickets we made our way to the entrance of a uniquely lit graveyard, to our left atop a structure a massive skull peered down with a single glowing eyeball that shifted from side to side. We shuffled excitedly through the cemetery lit be a series of large, black light bulbs positioned on top of fence posts; a skeletal horse stalked the grounds. The path lead us to the line for the Freak Show where we were entertained by a one of TerrorTown’s resident ghouls, a tall, red creature with a talent for swallowing fire.

After about half an hour wait we entered Freak Show and witnessed an eclectic and interesting array of oddities. Each item was accompanied by newspaper articles or plaques providing insight into the displayed piece. The entire room was bathed in the glow of black lights which provided the usual eerie effect. My personal favorites included a fetus in a jar that sported a curious tail as well as the dried and rotting Fiji Mermaid. Freak Show was very cool but it was incredibly short and this fact was very disappointing. I remarked to Jason that had I known it was so short I would have taken more time with each display. Alas it was too late as we found ourselves in line for Slaughter House. Given the nature of the Freak Show attraction I don’t feel it would be fair to assign a rating, it isn’t a haunted house and is by all intents purely a side show.

Slightly disappointed, as I think we all were, we soldiered on to Slaughter House which I was quite curious about. I had read on TerrorTown’s website that guests are given a flashlight upon entering this particular haunt but there was a catch, the operators controlled the flashlight. I thought that this unique twist could provide for an interesting and exciting haunt experience. Slaughter House had the look and feel of an old school haunt but failed to utilize those elements that make this genre so effective, instead the haunt featured a number of amusing and gory animatronics. Animatronics are great but I’m of the belief that an inanimate object can only invoke so much fear, they work best in conjunction with live actors and Slaughter House was terribly short on the latter. The flashlight idea was great in concept but in practice turned out to be ill timed seemingly going off at random. I had thought that perhaps the flashlights would abruptly cut off after patrons were allowed a brief glimpse of a stampeding, chainsaw-wielding maniac but it seemed that perhaps every group’s flashlight simply went out at the same time. One wonderful feature of Slaughter House was an enormous pig head that attacks guests and squeals incessantly, you can imagine the jokes this particular scene invoked. Overall Slaugher House wasn’t bad but it did leave a lot to be desired, what was most disappointing to me was that it had potential to be so much more and really with a few minor tweaks it could have been very good.

Rating: 3 stars

Next we followed the path through a colossal pair of jaws that led to The Beast. We entered the structure and began down a path of three or four spinning vortex tunnels also commonly referred to as black holes. These structures are fun because not only are they typically lit by black light; but also feature spinning circular walls which cause a sensation that one is falling sideways. Guests make their way across a narrow path and watch in amusement as members of their party struggle to maintain balance. I feel that these particular devices work best when beginning or ending a haunt or when switching from one theme to another.

After walking the length of the massive tunnel we returned outside. Once again I was shocked and disappointed by the length of an attraction. The Freak Show had also been incredibly short, Slaughter House was slightly better than mediocre, and The Beast, which I had thought was a haunted house, was merely a monstrous vortex tunnel. It wasn’t that any of the attractions had been individually bad but collectively I couldn’t help but to be disappointed. I had been expecting so much more from TerrorTown after reading a number of glowing reviews. As with The Freak Show I find it equally unfair and misleading to give The Beast a traditional rating.

We entered the line for House of the Dead where multiple television sets played a horror movie from the 70’s or 80’s, this at least provided some seasonal ambience. As we advanced through the line I thought about how disappointing TerrorTown had been so far and without a monumental effort by the main attraction the whole night was going to go down as perhaps the seasons’ most dismal. We discussed this fact as we neared the entrance and each of us seemed resigned to the fact that barring an October miracle there was little chance that House of the Dead could save TerrorTown from haunting infamy. I suppose there was a sense that we had nothing left to lose and so we entered House of the Dead.

Guests first wait in a foyer, ahead an ominous set of large double doors rest. After a few minutes a slightly crazed, middle-aged man appears (he looks some what like Mayor Wormface) and invites us inside to, “Play with his children”. We enter another waiting area before being loaded onto elevators that will transport us to the bowels of the house. So far House of the Dead is doing things right, building plenty of tension in the foyer and then jolting guests with a wild ride to the basement of dead house. Once out of the elevator hauntgoers wind their way through a plethora of eerie rooms. The haunt appears to be an abandoned house, old fashion pictures adorn the walls, and common household objects such as furniture and childrens toys layer the landscape. I notice that the haunt smells foul and I mean bizarrely foul; I’ve never smelled something like this. Later on I would take a blast of the rotten air straight in the face and I gagged profusely, nearly throwing up. I know what you’re thinking faithful readers, you’re thinking that House of the Dead did indeed cap off a disappointing night…well…not even close!

House of the Dead was just getting started with the Haunt Trinity and before we exited this unique haunt we would come to know precisely why it had been described as, “an assault on the senses”. House of the Dead is part Erebus, part Extreme Scream and blends the two schools of thought into a rare haunting endeavor. The animatronics are over the top and impressive, a number of mutant aliens scurry about the walls assailing guests from all angles. One such alien ventured to get too close to the Haunt Trinity and found out just how amused I was when I gleefully squibbed that ugly face! The haunt also featured painfully detailed, life-sized statues. I exaggerate not one iota when I say that these props were some of the most frightening I’ve ever witnessed.

House of the Dead also features a number of sprayers that blast guests with both air and water. In fact just after the aforementioned squibbing took place I was blasted in the face by a cartoonishly filthy toilet. The haunt also held a number of bizarre scenes and props such as holographic projections and a giant, floating eyeball. After making our way through a macabre forest in which multiple leapers attacked simultaneously we struck forth to the frantic finish. While on an ascending pathway an unseen creature swooped just above our heads causing all of us to duck. We then made our way through a series of rooms that resembled those at the beginning of the haunt.

I was the first to enter a room filled with the remains of dozens of baby dolls and was immediately reminded of Dolls and Puppet Master. Some of the dolls were moving robotically, heads and limbs moving methodically from side to side or up and down, it was wonderfully creepy. Some of them were missing eyeballs and a select few even brandished glowing knives. The rest of the group trailed behind me and upon entering I witnessed something truly bizarre. One of the babies was running at Jason! The little son of a bitch scurried across the floor slashing the air with his miniature knife! It was indeed a strange scene at first but my eyes quickly recognized a black mass materialize behind the doll. A black clad worker was puppeting the doll and as this came into greater focus the whole scene grew even more ludicrous in a sense. The little guy slashed furiously at Jason as I doubled over in laughter and then turned his fury to a shrieking girl in the group behind us. The gag may have been a simple one but it was pulled off to great effect and will surely stand out as one of the highlights of the season.

We escaped the blood thirsty infant only to be enveloped in fog and green lasers. It was very difficult to determine a path so I took the initiative and began wandering directly into the thickest part of the fog. Just then a massive wolf head lurched forth from the fog; hands outstretched searching for a tasty morsel. Next we turned into a room and ahead I could see a man holding a chainsaw, he was just staring at us. Hauntgoers cross a platform only to have this lunatic charge from behind (a mirror made it appear as if he were in front of the party) and chase them to the exit of House of the Dead.

House of the Dead did indeed save the night for TerrorTown proving to be a wild, haunt riot. A bold combination of old school techniques and flat out, in your face craziness proved to be an unlikely alchemy for success. My only suggestion for the House of the Dead is the inclusion of a few more well placed live actors. We left the now nearly deserted Lucas County fair grounds with riveting moments flitting through our heads, House of the Dead had just saved the night and launched itself into Haunt of the Year contention.

Rating: 5 stars

I did mention that a bit of haunting was also done on Sunday and so let me tell you the tale of the Barn of Blood. Missy opted not to join me inside the Barn and thus I was left to brave the horrors alone. Two things immediately stand out as one enters the barn, the first — it’s extremely quiet, and the second — it’s extremely dark. This is old school haunting reduced to the barest of elements and it reeks havoc on the psyche. A loud blast of fog issues from the left breaking the complete silence and that seems to act as a cue for a sword wielding deadie. The deadie follows me down a dark hallway, slamming the sword against a wall and then onto a metal slab. The ensuing clang is deafening and the sword looks a bit too real for my liking, I don’t like this creep. He departs and I find myself groping about the pitch black hall, shortly sparks fly from the left as some deranged freak thrashes behind wire fencing. Later a ghoulie comes form beneath a wall and desperately claws at my legs. Shortly a gravely voice informs me to, “Enjoy the show,” and as I turn the corner I watch a darkly ironic scene. A man is strapped to an electric chair, basked in red light, as My Chemical Romance’s “Blood” is pumped through speakers. It was a unique infusion of pop culture weaved neatly into a haunted attraction and as a chainsaw wielding Leatherface ushered me from the premises I reflected on what a solid job this small haunt had just completed.

Rating: 4 stars

Haunt Season Hits Stride at Chainsaw Creek

Posted in 2008, Chainsaw Creek, Hallowblog, Review with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2014 by bluefall8

This entry chronicles a memorable visit to Chainsaw Creek which was located in Toledo, Ohio. It was one of the earliest, if not the first, experience we ever had at a multi-attraction venue. County Morgue, one of the four attractions that was featured, won the 2008 Horrorlust Pulse Pounder Award.

I hold numerous fond memories from this outing and have always considered it a formative event in our haunted history. Sadly, we never returned to Chainsaw Creek. We wanted to embark on a return trip in 2009 but weren’t able to work it into our schedule. The haunt folded after that season and has not returned since. 

This post was originally published on Wednesday, October 22, 2008.

On Saturday, October 18th the Haunt Trinity set out for Ohio with the intent of visiting Chainsaw Creek in Toledo and TerrorTown in Maumee but due to our late start we were only able to visit Chainsaw Creek. Chainsaw Creek features four attractions: County Morgue, Haunted Prison, The Black Swamp, and Carn-Evil. I was some what surprised at the size of the crowd and equally thrown off by the large security presence. Music blared from speakers as elaborately disguised ghouls paraded around the area frightening hauntgoers. I immediately liked the atmosphere of this place, the night had potential.

The four attractions sat in a corner of the Franklin Park Mall parking lot as we approached Carn-Evil was to our left, The Black Swamp and Haunted Prison stood directly before us, and County Morgue was to the right. We bought our tickets and decided to hit County Morgue first as it seemed to be the main attraction. As we waited in line we were entertained by a monster-sized clown with a curiously low set head that bobbed wildly as the creature marched about; I would later get a picture with this freakish being. County Morgue was constructed from a large party tent with a front wall made from wood. It would be easy to write such an appearance off as cheap but the frugal technique worked well here. After watching some idiotic kid fail in an attempt to weasel his way into the attraction it was our time to enter.

County Morgue offers a unique blend of old school and smash mouth haunting. Strobe lights flash throughout the haunt and hard, driving rock music pulses combining to create a disorienting effect all while the adrenaline gets pumping. Upon entering the haunt the first room holds quite a rare sight — an unkempt girl sits in a wheelchair, wearing a helmet. She held her left arm aloft and twiddled her fingers in rapid fashion…and then she spoke and proceeded to warn us of monsters in her own special way. Yeah, I was surprised too. I’ve never before witnessed the mentally retarded reduced to comic fodder for the sake of a haunted attraction. I had to admit, this place had some balls and the effect was nothing short of hilarious if not crass. The very next room did not disappoint either as we approached a doorway a legless, bloodied, zombie-nun crawled from beneath an unidentified structure and began violently gnashing at our legs. This place was crapping on all sorts of taboos! I loved it!

As we continued through the haunt I realized that I was starting to feel apprehension at every turn and that is not something easily accomplished on one such as I, this haunt was doing a hell of a job creating suspense like no other haunt this year. Many torsos hung upside down from the ceiling and each was extremely life like some of the props were even equipped with a gruesome twitching effect. Half way through the haunt we were confronted by an impish girl with a gaping head wound who excitedly and repeatedly proclaimed, “Can you help me”, we just laughed which must have rubbed her the wrong way because she then began expressing a desire to munch upon our flesh. We left the jazzed up cannibal to her own devices and were shortly confronted by a man cradling his own entrails. Highly entertained by this point we were almost sad to depart the haunt as a demented doctor pursued us with a chainsaw. At the haunt’s exit Wheelchair Girl bade us a fond farewell with her simply charming smile.

I’m always hesitant to prescribe individual ratings to a haunt with multiple attractions because as a haunt enthusiast I know that a few are there to function as side shows but County Morgue was so good that I feel it’s an insult not to give it its own rating. Truly the only knock against the haunt was that it was short but again that’s to be expected when one haunt, Chainsaw Creek, features four attractions. So now that I’ve spewed forth that tangled mess of metadiscourse…

Rating: 4 1/2 stars

Next we headed to Carn-Evil, the 3D haunted attraction at Chainsaw Creek. Twice before the Haunt Trinity has set foot in 3D haunted attractions and on both occasions there was something left to be desired, I was anxious to see what Carn-Evil had to offer. While we waited in line we were entertained by a ghoulish goob who did do his job well but was unfortunately ruled partially a douche due to his ICP hoodie. There was also a behemoth grim reaper type with glowing red eyes who skulked the grounds and pointed a threatening finger at haunters. Thus we entered Carn-Evil and while we certainly weren’t blown away we weren’t disappointed. Carn-Evil was thin on live actors but the few who did populate the haunt did their craft a service and possessed excellent timing. We groped through techni-colored passageways and worked our way through a series of maze-like false walls. Everything here was relatively subtle (aside from the shockingly fluorescent 3D paint of course) but it seemed to balance nicely. The attraction ends when hauntgoers cross a great black hole which pushes the 3D effect to the max. Again, this haunt didn’t light our senses on fire but it did reestablish our faith that the 3D attraction can serve as more than mere filler. Jason, John, and I all agreed that it was the best 3D haunted attraction we had visited.

Rating: 3 1/2 stars

The lines were becoming considerably shorter now and after a slightly banal conversation about haunts with a possibly stoned employee at the entrance of The Black Swamp we were granted access into this third attraction. The swamp theme is cool in theory but if it’s not pulled off just right it can become boring and lame. Chainsaw Creek does a pretty good job at creating the illusion of a swamp like atmosphere; typically haunts achieve this through a combination of heavy fog and green lasers. The first turn of the haunt revealed a lunatic clown who laughed joyously as he manically proclaimed, “I want to eat your face!” He delivered the line with such crazed joy and I really appreciated this actor’s effort, sometimes the entire show can live and die by the actors. The Black Swamp was a little light on details but did feature all the right characters for the setting including a Black Lagoon type creature that dashed at us out of the fog from beneath a wall. Like County Morgue it suffered slightly from being too brief.

Rating: 3 1/2 stars

Upon exiting we joined the line to the final haunted attraction, Haunted Prison. This haunt featured a great animatronic at the entrance, behind a set of bars a man is strapped to an electric chair and is of course repeatedly executed. Once we had entered it became apparent that Haunted Prison was fairly bland. Hauntgoers wind their way through a series of chain linked fence for the majority of the haunt while a fair number of workers provide decent scares. Admittedly I had grown tired by this point of the night and my wits were not very sharp but even with that said there just wasn’t a whole lot to Haunted Prison, it was just a bit too generic.

Rating: 2 1/2 stars

Chainsaw Creek on the whole scored positive marks and I would consider a return visit during the 2009 haunt season. The atmosphere exudes a wild and fun brand of scares which is underscored by the band of wandering creatures. County Morgue is undeniably the crown jewel; with more room the operators could turn this attraction into a full-fledged haunt itself. Carn-Evil fills the role of solid side show admirably and has some potential to expand as well. While Haunted Prison could use some work The Black Swamp has promise but it’s likely that these two will be altered next year as multi-attraction haunts rarely feature the same line up year to year. The price is right at $20 so if you’re a haunt enthusiast and you have a free Friday or Saturday it’s worth the drive from the greater Detroit area as well. I’m definitely interested to see how Chainsaw Creek evolves for the 2009 season.

Templin’s Night Terror & Nautical Nightmare’s Vanishing Act

Posted in 2008, Hallowblog, Review, Wyandotte Jaycees with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2014 by bluefall8

This edition of Hallowblog Flashback details a 2008 visit to the Wyandotte Jaycees’ Templin’s Night Terror. It was our first indication that the quality of haunted attraction from the community group could vary wildly.

Also in this post is an account of our failed attempt to locate the Nautical Nightmare. It’s worth mentioning that I had the opportunity to speak to folks involved with the restoration of the Ste. Claire at the 2013 Wyandotte Street Art Fair. During that conversation one of the members revealed that the group was aiming for a 2014 return date for the haunted attraction, but alas, 2014 is here and I have heard not a peep.

This entry was originally written on Saturday, October 18, 2008.

Last Saturday Jason, Disco, and I visited Templin’s Night Terror this season’s haunted effort by the Wyandotte Jaycees, the same group that delivered the sleeper hit of last season under the moniker Hell’s Hospital. Last year the Wyandotte Jaycees had both an old house and a vacated mechanic’s garage to work with but the condemned house has since been torn down. Due to this the haunt is notably shorter but that in itself does not negatively impact the haunt. However, the overall effort did pale to last year’s show, coming up short in several crucial areas. First I’d like to focus on what Templin’s Night Terror does right.

This haunted attraction has a very cool theme (the name says it all) and succeeds in the traditional sense of a haunt by incorporating a healthy mix of darkened hallways and rooms. Templin’s Night Terror also avoids the pitfall of structural familiarity which plagues many haunted attractions. Two elements truly stood out here, the first was a room approximately halfway through the haunt decorated in the fashion of nightmare nursery. Rows of clothes hang from the ceiling, brushing against guest’s heads and faces, distorting their view. Meanwhile a pair of creeps skulk about the room harassing haunt goers in this creepiest of settings. The second high water mark occurred just prior to the end of the haunt when a vampiric ghoul leapt eight feet from the top of a wall to the concrete floor before our feet and then expertly crawled backward into the darkness as a strobe light staggered his movement. Visually, it was a neat sequence of events; you won’t find live actors leaping such distances at very many haunts. After rounding a corner the leaper as we came to call him gave me a legitimate scare when he suddenly appeared next to me. His face was illuminated in a dim blue light as he snarled in anger. I’m not an easy one to catch off of guard so TNT deserves points for that. Sadly, the rest of the haunt was distinctly without rhythm.

Upon entering the haunt guests walk toward a trio of doors displaying psychotic clowns. As haunt goers attempt to navigate the correct path a pair of clowns appear and proceed to engage each other, more so than the guests, in an overly jocular and inane line of conversation. I’m confident that this is not their typical routine but their inability to intelligently interact with guests while in character was disappointing. It was an omen I suppose as the majority of actors inside Templin’s Night Terror were simple poor, their timing and delivery were amongst the worst I’ve witnessed and that was particularly disappointing because small, old school productions rely heavily on the performance of its actors. It was through individual creativeness that Hell’s Hospital became last year’s much talk about dark horse. The actors seemed to be caught off guard, simply meandering about one room when we entered and then acting as if we should still be surprised. It was like watching Batista reset a series of moves after a blown spot; it’s just not exciting when you know what’s coming.

We could also hear a lot of the workers talking to each other as we made our way through the haunt and that is something that immediately turns me off. I can’t suspend disbelief when you’re telling me where you’re located. The actors however can’t be blamed for this, the haunt was oddly quiet and the implementation of a sound system would have done wonders to cover the noise of idle chatter.

At the end of the haunt a girl whispers a warning about “the white rabbit” and if history serves as any guide I’m sure Jason was fighting the urge to test his theory originally postulated last year during a visit to The Haunting in Adrian. Upon exit haunt goers are chased by a chainsaw wielding rabbit which I thought was a nice touch.

Templin’s Night Terror was disappointing especially when contrasted against Hell’s Hospital of last year but TNT has potential and with a few simple corrections the Wyandotte Jaycees should enjoy another successful year of haunting.

Rating: 3 stars

After leaving Templin’s Night Terror we were off to find the Nautical Nightmare which exploded onto our haunt radar during the 2005 season. I first learned of the Nautical Nightmare’s return to Michigan when I found a Myspace page for the haunted attraction in August. The page listed the haunt as being in the Detroit area and when I read an online article a few weeks later placing the NN at Heart Plaza the excitement grew over this rarest of haunts. We grew weary though as the Myspace page remained unaccessed since August 14th. Furthermore the company responsible for this year’s show, BodyBag Entertainment, provided no information on their website. Nor had the Nautical Nightmare appeared in any local haunt publications, we were suspicious but hopeful.

Jason insisted that we take Jefferson through River Rouge and then the shanty town of Del Ray which makes River Rouge look pleasant. Jason claimed that the route would add atmosphere to our trip and while it did generate a few notable comments John and I seemed to agree that the only thing this path did was raise our chances of being beaten and mugged.

We survived the trek and arrived at Hart Plaza only to find sleeping bums and the Detroit Princess (the boat that’s always on CW 50). After some brief tomfoolery near the fountain in Hart Plaza and aimless wandering we returned to the car and then decided to head to the park where the Nautical Nightmare was held in 2005. Back in Rouge we found the park vacant as our hopes of finding the magical boat diminished. The old Boblo boat was becoming a true ghost ship but I was determined to unravel the mystery.

During the ensuing days I searched the web for answers but the Nautical Nightmare’s Myspace page and BodyBag Entertainment’s website still contained no new information which I found particularly unprofessional and lame. I next visited bobloboat.com and found the following passage:

“I want to thank all the people who came out so far this year to help with the demolition. I originally wanted to do a haunt this year on the Ste. Claire, however, the demolition took longer than expected. I therefore decided to continue demolition throughout the entire 2008 season and get the ship ready for winter.”

This was posted by a Mr. Ron Kattoo who I can only assume is the owner of the Ste. Claire. I can’t say for sure but from the information I’ve gathered it seems he pulled the plug on the water bound haunt in mid-August which must have irritated and frustrated BodyBag Entertainment so close to the Halloween season.

“It smells as if everyone in the town gathered in an open field, bent over, and spread their ass cheeks in unison.”

-Yours truly commenting on the foul smell permeating Del Ray

“At least we won’t be attacked by mutants crawling out of open sewers.”

-Jason, detailing the relative safety of Detroit compared to the industrial wasteland of Del Ray

Realm of Haunted Minds & The Extreme Scream

Posted in 2008, Extreme Scream, Hallowblog, Realm of Haunted Minds, Review with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2014 by bluefall8

This entry was originally posted on Sunday, October 12, 2008 and chronicled an enjoyable night of haunting that took place at The Realm of Haunted Minds in Romulus and Extreme Scream in Taylor.

This particular trip through The Realm of Haunted Minds would later notch the 2008 Horrorlust Dark Horse Award. 

On October 4 (the Saturday before last) the same group of haunters that survived the Homer Mill one week prior braved the terrors of two local attractions: Realm of Haunted Minds and The Extreme Scream.

Jason, John, and Cherette arrived at my apartment just past dusk and we set out for Realm of Haunted Minds at the Huron Turkey Farm in Romulus. When we arrived the area was nearly deserted but the sound of Michael Myers’ haunting music reassured us that the ghastly denizens of RHM were awaiting the arrival of some unlucky souls. There was a type of country store in which customers purchase their tickets and the decorations here were noteworthy. A number of realistic, life-size dummies dotted the walls on the left side of the room one of which appeared to be Lon Chaney’s portrayal of the title character in the 1925 production of The Phantom of the Opera.

After buying our tickets we hit the grounds were various clubhouse style buildings dominated the landscape, we would explore these after we exited the Realm of Haunted Minds. Upon entering the haunted house guests listen to the wisdom of a slightly creepy animatronic wizard. The haunt features a recurring theme of hallways speckled with neon paint and lit by black light; I think it works fairly well here achieving a disorienting effect without seeming repetitive or disjointed.

One major drawback was the timing of the actors, often off it served as a double dose of disappointment when paired with lackluster deliveries which plagued numerous workers. However, one particular actor was dead set on precision. After being herded down a narrow passage guests approach a turn to the right that forces them to crouch very low to the floor; all would’ve been fine if it hadn’t been for a hungry, undead girl stooped in the corner. The position of the corner and the low ceiling forces the haunt goers to come face-to-face with the frightening creature who barred her teeth in a menacing snarl. As we passed she made her desires known stating, “I want to bite your ankles”. She proceeded to follow us through several rooms, dragging her body across the floor as if her legs were useless. Her persistence was appreciated and I thought it only proper to offer her a just reward, shaking my exposed ankle at her as we rounded a corner I said, “Earn your meal biatch.” She didn’t just steal the show at RHM; she made the show and will no doubt be remembered as one of the top actors of the haunt season.

The rest of the haunted house featured passable if not forgettable scenes perhaps the most awe-inspiring was the room that contained a massive Frankenstein strapped to a medical table. I also was struck by a hallway that featured a high arching ceiling with bright pink tube lights running up either side of the walls and crossing over guests’ heads. As with the Homer Mill there was a “Womb of Doom” just prior to the end of the haunt. Upon exiting haunters wind their way through a small maze comprised of wooden fence posts. We eventually escaped the maze albeit by questionable means when Jason insisted on ducking beneath a wooden structure and barreling through a rather small opening between wooden planks, that opening needless to say increased in size once we had made our hasty exit.

The Realm of Haunted Minds has potential. It’s a great place for someone looking to get into the spirit of the Halloween season who isn’t quite prepared for the scares offered at more intense or graphic attractions.

Rating: 3 stars

We departed the Huron Turkey Farm and began the trek to Taylor for the Extreme Scream. The Extreme Scream wasn’t open in 2007 but during the 2004 Halloween season Branden, John, Amanda, and I discovered just how effective this haunt could be. Needless to say I was very excited to return to this haunt with an old school slant.

The Extreme Scream still features a lot of plain, dark hallways and the desired effect is pulled off here better than any other haunt I’ve visited. The operators here smartly allow haunters to psyche themselves out allowing them a lot of time to think about what lies around the next corner while feeling their way through these basic but effective hallways.

Prior to entering the haunt the guy at the door runs a shtick in which he cons the party weakling (typically the girl in the group) out of their name. Once he has the name he announces it to the foul ghoulies inside and as you may have guessed such dubious honors were bestowed upon Cherette. The monsters wasted little time in taunting Cherette, one depraved creature suggested that we, “Take Cherette to the bedroom”. I’m fairly certain I heard a satisfying slurp escape Jason’s lips.

The Extreme Scream features a strong blend of dark passages, props, actors, and simple yet effective gags. This haunt really starts to hit its’ stride at the midway point with a series of shrinking hallways that force guests to turn sideways and push their way along. While this occurs an agile clown scampers across the tops of walls taunting visitors below. Another neat feature of the Extreme Scream is the various locations at which haunters are forced to crawl their way along, sometimes while grunting creatures pursue you from a parallel path separated by intersecting wooden planks. The timing of the majority of actors is precise here and most seem committed to scaring the guests.

At one point we entered a room where the walls were lined with lockers, a single door stood at the far corner. We went through it and immediately suspected that we had strayed from the haunt. We were staring at the haunt’s sound system and standing in what seemed to be a type of access pathway to numerous rooms throughout the attraction. I could also hear the distinct chatter of employees; in fact I spotted two of them not far from me. After several attempts to find an alternate path and failing to do so I simply approached one of the workers and he directed me back to the locker room where I reunited with the group. Apparently there was a small door near the floor; we had to crawl to get through it. I’m fairly certain that haunt goers aren’t expected to find this for themselves because a ghoul had now appeared in the room behind the secret door this room was actually visible from the employee pathway we had mistakenly entered but it was so small I wasn’t sure that we were supposed to enter it. The ghoul who had suddenly appeared I assume was suppose to have jumped out at us and then directed us in the right direction in the first place, I guess he was busting a ghoulie feke.

The haunt concluded shortly and suffered from a terribly anticlimactic finish. Guests enter a room where a man in an electric chair, bathed in red light slowly raises his head. The prop is merely meant to distract you as a plainly visible slot in the wall houses a masked actor who provided a would be mild scare.

The misguided trip into an employee area as well as an uninspired finish put a blotch on what was an otherwise very enjoyable and well done haunt. I did miss the cart ride that the Extreme Scream featured in 2004.

Rating: 4 stars

Homer Mill Delivers Explosive Kick Off

Posted in 2008, Hallowblog, Homer Mill, Review with tags , , on September 2, 2014 by bluefall8

This review detailed the first trip we ever made to the Homer Mill and was written Saturday, October 4, 2008. We would return to the Homer Mill a year later but by the spring of 2010 the historic building had burned to the ground. I’ll always remember this inaugural trip fondly; it’s a shame what happened to the Homer Mill.

The drive to the Homer Mill took just under two hours most of which was spent on westbound I-94. As Jason, Disco, Cherette, and I drew near Homer, Michigan we traveled M-60 which did provide some interesting local scenery winding through a number of small towns including one that featured a creepy cemetery sitting just off the road.

The Homer Mill bursts out of the wooded setting that surrounds the haunt and instantly the impressive nature of the building leaves an imprint on its visitors. There was a sizable crowd milling about in front of the haunt which also sports a bar and restaurant. We parked in the rear near an old Silo and entered through into a lobby sandwiched between a bar (to the right) and a restaurant (to the left). Initially we were going to grab something to eat before entering the haunt but after learning that there was a forty minute wait for a table we left our name and went to buy our tickets. We shortly joined the line out front that we had previously witnessed upon entering and waited maybe fifteen minutes before entering the haunt. I snapped a number of pictures and soaked in the atmosphere to pass the time and soon we were swallowed by the Mill.

The Homer Mill is a rare haunted attraction; the structure of the building lends itself to a natural ambience that most haunts are unable to replicate. The owners have smartly integrated the mill’s stairways and catwalks into the attraction and in doing so provide haunt goers with a truly unique experience.

The haunt begins with a humorous gag; entering a cavernous room guests get a full view of the bare ass of a man slumped over a barrel. When approached the animatronic begins spewing into the barrel while speakers pump the sound of retching into the room. The scene is funny but reflecting on this singular moment in contrast with the rest of the haunt causes it to seem a tad disjointed.

Guests next cross a bridge which actually has water underneath it and are quickly confronted by an alligator that sprays mist in their direction. As the misting begins the bridge tilts slightly creating the sensation that guests may be chucked into the glowing green depths. I’m a big fan of water being used in haunted attractions and I’d like to see it implemented in increasingly creative ways. The sudden jolt of the bridge shifting was a nice touch as well but it was relatively subtle as the owners probably don’t actually want anyone projected from the safety of the bridge.

The Homer Mill features some truly awesome animatronics; three in particular come to mind and rival anything you’ll see anywhere else including mighty Erebus. The first is an execution scene, a man lies face down locked into a guillotine and after the blade falls the body twitches in a gruesome and hilarious manner. The next instance of animatronic mayhem comes in the form of an apparent psychiatric patient. As guests pass through a darkened hallway a strobe flashes from the right and a straight-jacketed man bound by chains begins flailing desperately. The effect is enhanced by the bouncing chains that crash to the floor and also thrash in unison with the dreadlocks upon the puppets head. The prop was very convincing and mimicked human mannerisms in a very believable fashion. The third and final animatronic was also shockingly realistic, a man sitting behind prison bars is strapped to an electric chair, an ominous pause is palpable. I thought for a moment that the figure would break free from his restraints and lunge forward but no sooner had the thought taken hold the chair lit up and the man began wildly shaking and screaming as smoke filled the room. It was indeed an animatronic as I have stated but when it was hoisted so high out of the chair I thought it likely even probable that the figure was an actor, a very impressive sight. Jason later stated that he has saw that same prop online selling for $10,000.

Another interesting feature of the Homer Mill is the external bridge that connects two of the buildings. Haunters actually leave one structure and cross a bridge that temporarily leads outdoor before entering a second building. Once inside the next building guests enter a room with a floor composed of only 2 x 4’s and wire mesh. It was a great effect because the mesh flooring sinks under the weight and visitors have a direct view of a nearly 30-40 foot drop below. It’s in this part of the haunt that the natural structure of the building really shines. Haunters climb stairs and cross catwalks with immense drops on all sides.

When considering the sheer size of the haunt it’s tempting to suggest that the Homer Mill is thin on live actors but this surprisingly doesn’t detract from the show. The Mill is a little heavy on animatronics but it’s hard to view this as a point of criticism when the puppets are so damn good. The Homer Mill also makes good use of traditional black hallways forcing haunters to grope in the dark as they make their way to safety through a very well paced attraction. Another interesting feature of the haunt is the ability to hear music and crowd chatter coming from the bar and restaurant. It would be easy to dismiss this as an obvious detraction and maybe in a traditional sense of haunting that is accurate but this fact creates a sensation of disorientation. Yes, you can hear the band playing and a cacophony of conversation but you can’t tell where it coming from or how one would come to find the source.

The haunt comes to an end with a final bridge to cross which leads to a doorway filled with a bulging inflatable. Guests must force their way through the oppressive structure; the entombing led to many vaginal jokes as I quibbed, “I feel like I’m being born.” Cherette would later dub this particular feature the “Womb of Doom.”

After exiting the haunt we snagged a seat in the Halloween themed restaurant and enjoyed a bite to eat, I opted for some tasty chili-cheese fries while Jason and Disco concerned themselves with the blood red beer.

The Homer Mill has it all and fires on all cylinders. It satisfies guests with a wonderful show and a neat restaurant as well. As we departed, after I mistakenly drove across a pedestrian bridge that is, I reflected on what a fun and fulfilling experience the Homer Mill had provided for the premiere of the 2008 haunt season.

Rating: 5 stars