Halloween Companion Number 2

This would be the final entry of the 2006 Halloween season; as with the first Halloween Companion, it too highlighted a film and monster. I also waxed nostalgic with a timeline of Halloween past. This was originally posted on Thursday, October 26, 2006. 

Last week I went on at length about zombies, most of you will find comfort in the fact that I do not plan for the second entry of the Halloween Companion Series to be nearly as long. I will feature another Halloween ghoulie and another recommended flick but I also have something else. When I first conceived the idea of a companion blog to the Halloween themed Word of the Week I mentioned that such a blog would include recollections of Halloween past; tonight I plan to deliver.

Before I get to any of that however I have a small note worth mentioning. Stating the obvious here, I’m a huge fan of haunted attractions and before the season is up I plan to share this year’s experiences with you fine folks. With that in mind I’d love to hear about any haunted attraction stories you might have. Alright then let’s get to it, shall we?

I’ll begin with the recommended film which was added to the Halloween lexicon not so long ago. The film became one of my favorites when I first viewed it at the age of eleven or twelve. I speak of the stop motion animated gem that is Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was intrigued by the dark imagery and the notion that a town’s sole purpose was to celebrate Halloween. It was a fun story with catchy, darkly humorous songs. Over the years I have caught myself either singing the tunes of Halloween Town or putting my own nonsensical lyrics to the same beat. The fat kid in the striped shirt never ceases to amuse me; fat little, weird lookin’, bastard. Bottom line: a fun, modern day Halloween classic in my book, should be watched by any and all Halloween or stop motion animation enthusiasts.

See that wasn’t so bad was it? Not nearly the length of my Night of the Living Dead tribute, was it? But now we need ourselves a creature, which to choose? I could go with one of the classics, a witch, werewolf, or vampire? A mummy perhaps? Or will it be a goblin, demon, ghost, or mad scientist? No, I think I’ll choose something to satisfy my carnivalesque urges. Yeah that’s right, I have carnivalesque urges. Therefore the featured monster is a clown. No, not those happy, juggling, dumb sons of bitches; I’m talking about those evil, demented, bloody knife wielding freak shows. You know the ones, when you see them you involuntarily shit your pants. The bulging, crazed eyes, shockingly bright, wild hair, and a grin so wide it can’t possibly mean anything aside from sinister intentions. Any clown is creepy but evil clowns can peer into a soul and devour it from the inside. Despite all of this inherent depravity I applaud them for the twisted element of fear they’ve brought to Halloween. Anyone interested in getting familiar with these strange creatures can read Stephen King’s It and watch the film based on the book. Such individuals may also be interested in the 1988 cut-rate horror flick, Killer Klowns from Outer Space. The Nickelodeon series Are You Afraid of the Dark featured an episode titled, “The Tale of the Ghastly Grinner” that may also interest said parties. In fact there is a wealth of horror fiction that features murderous clowns; most of it is designed to frighten but some will undoubtedly elicit laughter. As long as you steer clear of the Insane Clown Posse you’ll be alright; if you’re a douche bag you can run right on in.

I was unable to decide on just one Halloween memory so instead of one in-depth recollection I offer in its place several short Halloween snippets.

Halloween 1995: Mike Blackwell and I pounded the streets of Lincoln Park amassing an impressive haul of candy. Our path would lead us to Coney Island on the corner of Dix and London where we would inquire about free Halloween Coney dogs, we received Better Maid original flavor potato chips; what a rip.

Halloween 1997: I was fourteen and it would be the last year I went trick-or-treating. I had moved from Lincoln Park the previous fall but returned for Halloween night with my cousin John. We visited Craig’s house and were promptly informed by Craig that we were too old to be trick-or-treating; he reluctantly gave us some candy. We also stopped by Mike Blackwell’s house; I hadn’t talked to him very often since I moved. Mike gave us some sort of liquid stink bomb which John would later throw at a house on Pagel Street.

Halloween 1998: An eccentric 15-year-old dressed up like a devil and performed disco dance steps while passing out candy from the newly moved into Applewood house. The legendary Disco Devil may have been born but this was otherwise an uneventful and disappointing Halloween. To add insult to injury the Wings were thoroughly beaten by the Stars.

Halloween 1999: One of the all-time memorable Halloween nights. Whatever was lacking a year prior was made up for ten fold on this bizarre, fun-filled evening. On this night a bright 16-year-old with a penchant for mischief led a rag-tag team of vandals into his old stomping grounds. Trick-or-treating was shelved in favor of the more attractive trick-or-thieving. It was a night filled with theft, vandalism, and laughter. Rachel, John, Luke, Stu, and JVD, you’ll all be joining me in Hell.

Halloween 2000: Arguably worse than ’98, utterly boring. I spent the evening with the girlfriend at the time passing out candy and regretting that I wasn’t out doing something fun with my friends. The night was saved when our gang of usual suspects joined forces with another unit of wayward bandits and together TP’ed the Jefferson administration building.

Halloween 2002: The second time around at the Applewood house fared much better. My hair was jaggedly spiked in all directions and shaded a healthy blue. I dressed as a zombie and frightened kids by acting like a dummy inside of a casket. Halloween music blared from within the house as a strobe light haunted the atmosphere and a fog machine sent intermittent spurts of mystery into the night. My brother and his girlfriend were among my guests as well as good ole Barry Dotson and the one and only Devil Douche, Branden Morrison. Jason’s girlfriend had also brought some semi-skanky friend of hers who, despite our endless harassment, refused to lick Branden’s swollen nipple commonly referred to as Swowwen Nippo. Following trick-or-treating we hit the Scream Machine haunted attraction at Heritage Park, a well rounded Halloween.

Halloween 2005: The holiday itself was lackluster as I was stuck working the calendar kiosk at the Southland Mall. I was however permitted to dress up and pass out candy as the mall participated in some such thing; I made the best of it. The season overall was pretty good. My brother, Disco, and I hit two solid haunted attractions: The Chop Shop in Grosse Ile and the Nautical Nightmare located in River Rouge. Both featured a number of memorable moments but perhaps the best came from the Chop Shop. We made our way down a dark hallway when a voice began to call out, “I hope you’re hungry!” We turned a corner and entered a small room; the walls were splattered with blood. Against the far wall a guy was hunched over a toilet with his face buried inside when he raised his head he was eating ferociously. He offered us some and when we declined he pulled a bloody tampon out of the toilet, began licking it and proclaimed, “This, your old ladies.” Damn, how we laughed.

I’ll be back again with a special entry on Halloween night. Until then.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: