Hush Lowers the Boom

A new haunted attraction has the ability to excite me like few other things on this wonderful planet, so when my eyes first fell upon the Fear Finder ad for Hush Haunted House I was intrigued. I checked out the Hush Facebook page and discovered a well produced video promoting the haunted attraction.

The story of Hush is told from the perspective of a lone mental patient. This concept was reflected in the sleek video presentation and on display once more when we arrived at Westland’s latest house of horrors.

The namesake of the haunt was prominently displayed above the front door, beneath it stood a mustachioed, portly, middle-aged man, he introduced himself as Dr. Phineas Phun — that’s Phun…P-H-U-N. Dr. Phun as it were was the resident medical professional on site and he seemed particularly smitten with yours truly. He leaned in for a lingering sniff and later mouthed the words, “Call me.” This sinister surgeon, however, was not limited to awkward exchanges — the man behind the character was simply one of the best doorman we have ever witnessed at any haunted attraction.

He was quick on his feet and seemed to enjoy his role, calmly he deflected my sarcasm and countered with a pointed wit of his own. Near the beginning of our exchange I introduced the good doctor to my cohort and indeed he looked in John’s direction but uttered not a word. Later, as our conversation drew to a close I referenced John once more and it was then that Dr. Phun began to question my sanity and suggested perhaps I become his next patient.

It dawned on me that the man had never actually acknowledged John and had solely conversed with me. Dr. Phun then asked, “Do you always speak to imaginary friends?” I couldn’t help but laugh as I had walked right into his plot. I stammered and gesticulated my objections, John too was enjoying a hearty laugh. Dr. Phun continued, “You should bring this Disco (John’s nickname) next time; I should love to meet him.” And with that we were ushered into Hush.

It was clear from the onset that Hush was going to be an in-your-face, mile-a-minute haunt romp packed to the gills with lively scenes that were creepy and comical. The highly vocal cast, which seemed to come in all shapes and sizes, served up plenty of laughter, startle scares, and supercharged zaniness. Hush made good use of tight passages and pint-sized drop panels, and bizarre yet inventive characters.

Inside the very first room we were chased by a lunatic with a television set for head. Monitor Head stomped his way down the hallway hot in pursuit, bashing his cranium from wall to wall as he went. We fled the oddball abomination and soon found ourselves traveling down a narrow hall lined with doors on either side — the noises that echoed all around informed us that these rooms were occupied.

We pressed on and were assailed by a demented monk who seemed to issue threats in Latin or some other equally dead tongue. We then turned a corner and found a disturbed young lady a top a shelf or bunk bed; one cannot be sure of such things given the circumstances. Her hair fell in front of her face as she sang a lifeless, strangled rendition of Tiny Tim’s “Tiptoe Through the Tulips.”

Once free from her bubble of insanity we encountered yet another madcap freak when we were held at gunpoint by a squat disciple of Uncle Sam who barked orders in our direction. Again, we soldiered on.

We made our way through a candlelite cavern and then had the displeasure of meeting a second crazed medical professional. This one had recently lobotomized a patient and spoke excitedly of his experiment. The dimwitted invalid soon rose from his chair and spouted off some stilted, yet humorous dialogue.

John and I put some distance between ourselves and the ghastly pair and soon found ourselves engulfed by a twisted carnival. The floor zigged and zagged at odd angles. Soon the path led us to a small stage, upon which a life-sized marionette puppet resided. Lights flashed, music blared and the puppet’s strings began to dance. Suddenly animate, laugher and taunts began to issue forth from her mouth, and to her right was the puppet master — a fat clown who’s eyes suggested he’d love nothing more than to defile us in our sleep.

Hush ended with the buzz of chainsaws, a humongous, marauding alien, and one snaggletoothed hillbilly who professed a preference for sloppy butt love.

On all accounts and by any standard, this was one hell of a first year effort from the team at Hush Haunted Attraction.

Rating: 4.75 stars

One Response to “Hush Lowers the Boom”

  1. Excellent, very well written review. Couldn’t agree more. Visited several haunts and Hush by far was the best. Can’t wait to see what they come up for Hush 2.0 next Halloween season.

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