Farewell Tour Fizzles at Deadly Intentions

It was with more than a little excitement that John and I set off for Deadly Intentions last Friday. As this season does indeed mark the final chapter of the vaunted haunt, we were anticipating the same kind of intense show that first delighted us on Halloween 2008 and then once more with an apocalyptic zombie wasteland in 2009. In each of those years the cast at Deadly Intentions earned our Monster award for best actors. Unfortunately, our latest trip didn’t yield similar results and to suggest otherwise would be to insult Deadly Intentions’ storied past. It’s important to temper that previous statement with the following: we did not witness a poor haunted attraction, it was merely average and we simply expected more.

One of the primary features at Deadly Intentions that has always stood out to me is the long, laser and fog filled hallway through which haunters first embark. The hallway is a throwback to a simpler era of haunting. Visibility is low, it’s a bit disorienting, and it’s as if a sense of foreboding seeps from the very walls — this is what we call old school. A hatchet wielding harlequin followed us through fog and shadow before darting off. We ran into the smiling fiend once more shortly later and he proceeded to mislead us through a small maze. When his fun was at an end he delivered a flying kick to a portion of wall to our left, revealing it to be a door. I found the leaping kick to be quite impressive under such conditions. We came across a number of enjoyable characters along the way, those we affectionately referred to as Bone Girl, Toilet Guy, Dinner Man, Phantom Ghoul, and the Tall Man — but they were merely enjoyable. No one stole the show or left a truly lasting impression. We were made to crawl and squeal like pigs by Bone Girl which was fun but even the best bits of interaction and improvisation left much to be desired and were slightly above average at best.

The hallways that weren’t concealed by darkness were nicely detailed as were the various scenes that populated the attraction but everything was entirely too familiar and not particularly memorable. A number of the rooms were scarcely different than they were last year when the Deadland ran at this location. In at least one instance there was even a character who appeared last season, only a different actor played the part. It was distracting and the performance came across as flat in comparison.

The final chapter of Deadly Intentions is not a bad haunted attraction, in fact we enjoyed it on the whole, but it does fall well short of its’ former glory. The smash mouth intensity that allowed Deadly Intentions to carve out a niche in the Detroit haunt scene is now absent. Furthermore, the haunted house is a bit on the short side but this in many respects may be beyond the control of the operators and that is all the more reason to make sure that other aspects of the attraction are as strong as possible. The conclusion in particular is in need of improvement as it occurs abruptly and without much suspense or excitement. Despite my relative disappointment I’ll be sad to see Deadly Intentions fade to black because for the better part of the last decade the minds behind the madness have done haunting right. The folks in charge of the Deadland will take control in earnest at this location next season. I hope they’re able to recreate some of the magic Deadly Intentions provided over the years and stir up a little of their own as well.

Rating: 3 stars

We departed Warren in the Discomobile debating whether or not we’d return to one of Deadly Intentions’ Adult Nights. We’ve been curious about this particular event for a couple of years now but the increased admission ($22 this season) and more importantly the desire to hit as many haunts as possible has kept us from taking it in. We remain undecided but the promise of half naked women inside of a haunted house is a tempting prospect.

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One Response to “Farewell Tour Fizzles at Deadly Intentions”

  1. I am surprised at your review of Deadly Intentions. Almost every review this year has been extremely positive. It has been rated in the top 10 haunts in Michigan by one well known site. Rated as the scariest haunted house in metro Detroit 9 out of 10 years by the Michigan Haunted House Enthusiests Club. You should have visited on Adult Night. Hundreds of people loved the show on that night. In fact many have reported that it was the best night ever at Deadly and vowed to go back to the 2nd adult show on Oct. 25th. Maybe you should check it out!

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